Knights and Princesses

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Recently Princess Galen and I were playing at McDonald’s. This is often necessary after dinner on days when she’s taken a nap at preschool. The restaurant is about a 3-block walk from my house, and if I can encourage her to run there, play hard in the play structure, and then run home, it tires her out enough that we’re not all awake until after 10.

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While we were there, four other kids were there as well–all boys. Their parents probably had the same idea. Princess Galen doesn’t usually elect to play with boys, but she didn’t have any other options and being the extrovert that she is and knowing Mommy is not going in the play structure with her, she decided to play with them. By that, I mean, she told them what games to play and basically organized them all into doing what she wanted. I’ve said it before, I’m pretty sure she’s going to grow up to be the dictator of a small country.

Anyway, one game they were playing was There’s a Monster in the Play Structure. This involves lots of running in and out of the play structure and screaming. It also easily segues into Knight Defeats the Monster and Saves the Princess. You can guess how that went. Princess Galen was the princess who had to be saved from the monster by her valiant knights. Each boy got a turn to save her. Then, because I like to sometimes rock the boat, I said that princesses don’t always need to be saved. They can save themselves.

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Princess Galen didn’t quite get the idea, but she decided she would allow the boys to be princesses too and she would then play the knight and save them. I sort of expected some push back from the boys. I mean, she was telling them to play the part of the princess. But no one argued. Interesting. I would have thought by age 4, boys were steadfastly anti-princess and pro-superhero, despite our best efforts not to play into the gender stereotypes. I was pleasantly surprised not only that the boys didn’t argue but that the parents of the boys didn’t seem to care. Maybe they were just happy to eat their fries in peace (except for the screaming).

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What do you think? Are kids not being socialized into strict gender roles as much anymore, or is 4 just too young for them to mind crossing gender lines?

 

15 thoughts on “Knights and Princesses”

  1. I find that very encouraging that the boys didn’t have an issue with that! When I was growing up, I recall my small friends being just as willing as I to wear a tutu, and now I know several boys (6-10) who often dress as what are traditionally seen as female characters. Lets face it – girls dress ups are more fun!

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      • oh heck my almost 12 yo was caught singing the Frozen songs in the shower. We have fast passes to see Elsa and Anna at Disney World on our vacation because he said we were NOT missing them. When we started talking about who we watned to see for Star Wars weekend he was like eh (mind you we have done SWW before)

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        • They have fast passes for character meets now? Awesome! They were talking about doing that in December. We had to wait 3 hours for Anna and Elsa, so the fast passes are so worth it.

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  2. I think that some parents/relatives get wayyyyy out of bounds with tyring to force those issues. Which is interesting, because historically boys & girls wore the same clothing styes at a young age in the 1700’s…. think child portraits and in dresses with only the objects to indicate sex.

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    • That’s very true about kids historically, Kate. I don’t think gender roles are even something that has to be taught. Kids pick up on them all by themselves. Sometimes their perceptions have to be straightened out, of course.

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  3. I’m not sure, remember, I’m a grandmother, most of my cohort have adult children, but I know parents of young children and I see both an awareness of gender roles as imposed by society and who actively seek to not impose those role on their children and I see parents who completely participate in rigidly assigning those roles.

    An example, two coworkers were discussing plans for one of their daughter’s second birthday party. The theme was Pirates and Princesses. They were discussing the invite list and how many swords and tiaras the mother should order. I asked, “What if a girl wants to be a pirate?” They both looked at me as if I’d sprouted a second head and it had begun speaking Klingon.

    On the other hand, my son and DIL and many of their friends are very conscious about the gender roles and while not being insane about it, they watch the words they use, they refrain from their first compliment to a female child being about “pretty” and their compliments to boys about being “strong”. They don’t recognize “boy” and “girl” toys or color choices.

    So I see a mixed bag. I’m trying. I still want to call my granddaughter Princess, but I’ve switched to Her Royal Highness. LOL

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    • Yes, Janet, I know exactly what you mean. Some kids will definitely NOT want to “cross” the line and others are more okay with it. Interestingly enough, my daughter and a friend of hers are also having a joint Pirates and Princesses birthday party because one girl really likes pirates and one likes princesses (mine). But mine also likes pirates, so the other mom and I already talked about having enough pirate and princess stuff for everyone. I know mine will want a pirate cookie and a princess cookie, and that’s as it should be.

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  4. Since I’ve never had kids, I can’t speak to the gender role question. I can tell you that only a mom with small children would call McDonalds a restaurant. 🙂

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  5. On any given day…..
    I am sure there are some days one or more of those boys would not have cooperated with PG. But some days, they just want to play and don’t mind being directed. I am sure she probably is outbossed occasionally. If not, she will be in kindergarten. haha And some days, she is the head honcho.
    My family meets up for lunch every sunday after church and we always pick somewhere with a play structure for our granddaughter.
    We notice all sorts of ways the kids play. I confess, I do get irritated with parents that let the kids that are clearly too old play in there. Especially if they are the ones screaming at the top of their lungs. When its little ones screaming, ok. Older ones, no.
    But as a rule, there is a game happening and when kids join or drop out, they all seem to catch right up with whatever is going on. You will see leaders and followers and manners and no manners. You will see parents that get involved when its not necessary and parents that don’t get involved when they should.
    Its actually pretty fascinating to watch.
    As for your question, I think kids will always be somewhat ”gendered”. Cartoons, movies, stories, uncles…….But I also think when kids are with other kids, they mostly figure it out. Without us parents ”helping”. haha Not always of course. But mostly, they do all right.

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    • I agree about the kids who are too old being in there with the little ones. My daughter can more or less hold her own now, but when she was smaller I had to constantly stay on the older ones about knocking her over or scaring her with their yelling.

      And, yes, she is often out-bossed, most often by a little girl named Cate. They have a love/hate, on/off relationship that exhausts me if I try to keep up.

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  6. Shana,

    I’d wonder if PG’s experience at McD’s was a combination of kids just wanting to play, kids not feeling restricted to certain roles and PG just being that good of an organizer. 🙂

    The concept of certain roles only being okay for one gender rather than another is bogus if you ask me. Sure, there are some roles I’m not interested in playing. But that’s me– my personality, my likes and dislikes– not because society has deemed me unworthy or incapable of doing something.

    Good for those boys, and their parents, for just enjoying the game and having fun!

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