Some Moms…

Welcome back former PBK Mom, Elise Rome.

There was an article going around the Internet a few weeks ago that talked about—okay, I confess I didn’t actually READ the article, but from the headline I deduced that it was about how we shouldn’t feel bad as moms if our houses are dirty. I appreciated that article—REALLY appreciated it—as I tend to carry a boulder-level of guilt around about the cleanliness of my house.

You see, some moms are really good at keeping the house clean. Take my mom, for example. There’s a clear memory in my head of our family sitting in the living room watching TV when suddenly she jumps up and goes to grab a dustrag because she saw dust on the coffee table and couldn’t wait a moment more to clean it. Whereas I…I can’t remember the last time I dusted. Just keeping toys and dishes and various outside detritus off the floor so we don’t trip or bleed is a major accomplishment in our house.


Then there are moms like my sister-in-law. They are the mothers I dream of becoming. They spend their free time coming up with plans and educational activities and cool crafts for their kids to do. They homeschool their kids while somehow maintaining their sanity. They keep their houses, if not sparkling clean, at least visitor-clean, and always, always have smiles on their faces. I, meanwhile, like to spend my free time reading, writing, or binge-watching The Peaky Blinders with my husband. Bad Mama. Bad!

Also, there are the intellectual moms like my OTHER sister-in-law, who has two master degrees, a PhD, and is a professor at a world-recognized private university. Her children speak with the lexicon of Harvard graduates and understand basic algebra before elementary school. They’re also terrific at puns, whereas MY children think that a joke consists of “What happened when the cake sat on the tree? It became a cake-tree!” Actually, that’s one of the better ones, if you get my drift. =)


And as for the type of mom I am? Well, I’m happy to say that it’s taken some time, and I’m sure it’ll take even more time to progress, but I’m finally becoming content with the mom I am. You see, I’m the snuggle-all-day, flat-tires-are-an-adventure, yes-you-can-paint-on-your-brother-as-long-as-I-have-five-minutes-of-alone-time paradox of a mother. I punish and then I realize I’ve been too harsh when I look at the situation from their viewpoint, so I apologize and try to be more compassionate. I talk to them about healthy foods and then fear that I’m setting my oldest daughter up for an eating disorder when she talks about wanting to only eat “foods that are good for her body in the future” after she has a piece of cake. I’m not the mom who looks like she has it all together and then, if you look more closely, you realize she doesn’t have it all together. IT’S OBVIOUS I don’t have it all together. =) I’m pretty certain my kids aren’t going to learn how to be good house cleaners or good homemakers or Einstein-level intellectuals from me; if anything, they’re going to learn how to struggle with their inner demons and, if I’m lucky enough, will learn from my example how to *overcome* those same demons. And if I’m really, really successful, they’ll learn that the most important thing in this world is love. And I hope that when they grow older and look around at the moms all the other kids have, they won’t care if I’m not like some moms because they’ll know how much their mom love them.

Maybe that will be enough. I hope so.

Because I still want my five minutes of alone time. =)

7 thoughts on “Some Moms…

  1. Elise, I think you are my mom twin! Thank you so much for this post. It’s so very nice to know that I’m not the only mom out there who can’t remember the last time I dusted. I also like my alone time and I spend way too much time reading than cleaning. But I always have time for my boys and spend a lot of time loving them.


  2. Hi Elise, and Shana, I am the mom who hates cleaning. I do it when its necessary and depending on who is coming house. They know this about me. Unlike my sister who has 4 girls 4-10 and she cleans up at least 5 times a day. Then cooks dinner and does school online. The difference is she has a husband who will come home after she cleans up and start cleaning again because its not like he wants it. He’s just a clean freak
    As long as there is clean clothes and food to eat Im fine I dont reallycare what others think. I was raised with my grandmother who washed clothes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, on Saturdays we had chores to do like cleean the bathroom, wash down the steps and mop the floors. Then take down the closthes and iron them before putting them away. Everything had a place. I think this is why I dont do this now.


  3. A couple of years ago, I get really, really sick. I was wasting away and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was with me. They finally did and I’m much better now. I realized some things during that time. One thing was that I learned how to say no and yes that was big for me. I wanted everything to be perfect. The house, being a mother and wife and a good employee and I was, for a long time. I think that is part of the reason I got sick ( who knows). I love my life so much more now. Don’t get me wrong, I probably still do more than I should, but I try and even it out now. My younger self would never have not made my bed every day, my older self has not made the bed for at least a week and guess what? I could care less. I say no a lot and I dust and clean a lot less and I have never felt better about my life. So what I’m saying is, who cares what anyone else is or isn’t doing, it’s what makes you and your family happy that matters. 😃


  4. Elise, I loved this post SO MUCH!!! I love your mommy-style!!! Yes, if children know they are loved, they’ll be able to conquer the world. That’s really all that matters. All the other stuff–well, hell, they can learn how to dust as grownups . My parents didn’t teach me everything, but I came away feeling loved, and that allowed me to dream and believe that I could be who I want to be.

    Every mother needs to read your post. We’re all so worried about the nitpicky stuff, but you’ve totally nailed the most important thing.


  5. Hi Everyone! Thank you so much for commenting. I told someone recently that half of your brain cells die after you have children *grin* and I guess that’s true for me, because I totally thought my posting date was today, not yesterday. Oops! Thank you again, and I will PBOK so much!


Comments are closed.