It’s Okay to Cry

The other day WonderGirl was up on the changing table shouting in my ear while I was putting her in a new diaper. On the ground in the same room, meanwhile, SuperGirl started her crying/whining. You know that sound, moms. There might be 101 reasons why your child is making that sound, but you can usually identify it as different than the “I’m in pain” sound. This pregnancy, I’m ashamed to say, I’ve been impatient a lot. Well, my first instinct when SuperGirl started crying was to tell her to stop. I said her name in that no-nonsense mom voice, and then looked at her–and realized that I had been wrong. She really was making the “I’m in pain” crying sound.

I felt bad, of course. In the moment, all I wanted was for some peace and quiet and for two little girls to stop making noise that annoyed me. All I cared about was how I felt–and I have to say, this is something that bothers me a lot when I get impatient. Because usually when I’m impatient, the situation has already gone so far in that downward spiral that it’s hard to put myself in my children’s shoes.

What if I hadn’t looked at her and seen that she really was in pain? What if I had used my stern mom voice to tell her to stop crying, like I was about to do, instead of immediately changing my tone and going to comfort her?

In all of our posts about grief and loss in one way or another this month on PBK, I think it’s safe to say that we openly acknowledge that we moms have many reasons to cry–and we do let it out as needed. Why, then, do I sometimes try to stifle that emotional reaction in my children?

I want my children to know:

Yes, it’s okay to cry when you’re in physical pain.

It’s okay to cry when someone hurts your feelings.

It’s okay to cry when you’re frustrated and need help.

It’s okay to cry when you’re scared.

It’s okay to cry when you don’t understand.

It’s okay to cry when you’re exhausted.

It’s okay to cry when you’re sad.

And when you grow up and become crazy hormonal at times, it’s okay to cry at those darn manipulative sentimental commercials.

As we’ve seen this month, grief comes through many different avenues. And although we might not all have gone through what someone else has experienced, we KNOW. We’ve shared similar losses, if not the same. We can imagine; we can sympathize.

I have to remember this when it comes to my children. My priorities might not be the same as theirs, and I might have the “bigger picture” when it comes to worries and troubles, but this doesn’t mean that their emotions are any less valid.

And today, when SuperGirl starts her “crying/whining” sound (as she inevitably does multiple times throughout the day), I’m going to try to change my instinctive response. Yes, she might just be overreacting or needing to find a better way to communicate what she wants, but I want her to know it’s okay to cry. Today, my first response will be to hug her.

Who knows? Maybe–just maybe–one day when she’s a teenager and I’m an ignorant mom, HER first response when she’s upset about something will be to come to me to cry. At least, one can hope. =)

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 8 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

When Your Child Grows Up Without a Grandparent

So far this month we’ve talked about miscarriage and special needs. Today I’m writing about the loss of grandparents.

It’s funny that I can’t even write this post without bawling; I don’t normally consider myself to be an overly emotional person.

***

My mom and I had grown close as I grew into my adult years (we weren’t so close during the rebellious teenage years). We talked almost every day, for as little as five minutes but usually over an hour. Most of the time it was about nothing; it was simply for the pleasure of talking to each other. I lived in Colorado, she lived in Texas. She had become my best friend.

When I got pregnant in 2008, she was over the moon for me. She threw my baby shower, a surprise shower over Christmas when she could be here. She stayed with us for three weeks around SuperGirl’s due date so she could make sure she wouldn’t miss her birth. We actually had an argument after SuperGirl was born (because she was overdue and my mom only had a week left to stay) about her not having enough time with the baby; I was holding her too much! (Which just shows you how important communication is! I would have gladly let her take her more so I could sleep.)

After she went back home, we tried to Skype every week so she could “talk” to SuperGirl on camera and see her. One of her favorite things was to try to get SuperGirl to stick her tongue out and wag it back and forth–something SuperGirl never did for her, unfortunately. She loved my daughter immeasurably, as much as any grandparent has ever loved a grandchild, and was looking forward to coming back up to Colorado to celebrate SuperGirl’s first birthday.

Of course, that never happened.

SuperGirl’s first birthday was in June 2010. My mother was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in March. She died April 22, 2010 at the age of 49.

It kills me that not only will my mother not be able to see SuperGirl grow up (or WonderGirl, or this baby boy we’re expecting), that she won’t be able to have a relationship with her, but that my children will never know what a truly amazing woman their grandmother was. Not apart from my words, anyway. They’ll never get to play with her, to go shopping with her, to be indulged by her. They’ll never be tickled or chased or eat too many of her special Christmas cookies.

***

SuperGirl was born June 2009. That fall, my mother-in-law, who had previously been diagnosed with emphysema and COPD, took a turn for the worse. She had to quit working, was put on 24/7 oxygen, and her range of activity was limited. She could no longer garden, one of her favorite things, because it left her too out of breath. The only places she went regularly were her doctors’ offices. She sometimes went upstairs (she lived in a MIL suite in my sister-in-law’s basement) to eat with everyone for holidays, but most often we went down to her.

WonderGirl was born in November 2010. Every memory my daughters have of their Grandma is of her being mostly bed-ridden and hooked up to oxygen. Despite all of her medical complications, she doted on both girls as much as she could, and was always grateful for every chance she had to see them. The last time they saw her in the hospital, she was able to go downstairs to the gift shop and buy them each a stuffed animal. From the time she took a turn for the worse in 2009, she went in and out of the hospital several times a year until she eventually passed this past December. One of the last things she told me was how sad she was that they wouldn’t remember her.

***

My children will grow up without biological grandmothers (I have a father and stepmother who live in Florida; my husband’s father died before he was born).

Because I didn’t experience loss of a close loved one until my mother passed, I haven’t really known how to approach this with my kids. I talk about my mom a lot–perhaps too much. When I was telling SuperGirl before her second birthday everyone who would be at her birthday party, she asked, “And Mawmaw, too?” Of course, I cried and told her Mawmaw was in heaven and couldn’t be there.

SuperGirl now understands better that Mawmaw and Grandma are in heaven. I don’t think WonderGirl has any idea who Mawmaw is, and I’m not sure she even understands that Grandma is gone. Sometimes when we talk about my husband’s family, she still includes Grandma along with everyone else. We have pictures around the house we talk about, and my husband and I try to connect our girls to things we have that either grandmother gave us.

But as far as they know, Mawmaw is as real as the superheroes they watch on TV, and all I can do is hope they will have at least vague memories of my mother-in-law.

Sometimes I get jealous of friends or family who still have grandmothers for their children. Not because their children get packages in the mail or because the parents have “built-in” babysitters, but because of a thousand-plus little things like that my children will miss out on. And who’s going to tell me when they think I’m doing something wrong raising them? Who’s going to listen to me complain when they turn into rebellious teenagers just like I was?

I’ll try to teach them about the wonderful women they should have known. I’ll try to love them enough to make up for that gap. But I fear it’ll never be enough–at least not for me.

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 9 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

Starting One Parent, One Child Traditions

Every year when it comes to holidays, our family tries really hard to continue past traditions and think up of at least one new tradition to start. For some reason, before now I’ve never really thought of starting a non-holiday tradition for an individual child.

It all started when, about a month ago, 3.5 year-old SuperGirl stopped taking naps (I still cry a little over this). I think it took a full week of trying to put her down and having her get up for my husband and I to realize that this was it. The day had come. Naps were a thing of the past!

Then, it took me another week to realize that this was something I could take advantage of in terms of building my relationship with SuperGirl, as every other time WonderGirl is always with us. I actually only have one shift during the week with SuperGirl during naptime–Tuesdays, the day when I go to Bible study in the morning and our usual schedule gets shifted around.

I finally thought of something we could do every Tuesday together, something that would not only bring us closer together because it’s something only she and I do, but something that’s good for the entire family: cooking!

Specifically, cooking desserts. In my continual effort to keep my husband from bringing junk food into the house, it seemed like a good idea to make a sweet treat once a week that could last us until the next week. And since SuperGirl already has a sweet tooth, this way I can teach her how to make better-for-you desserts (for us, that means vegan; although we try not to use oil in other recipes, I’ve found that some desserts just aren’t the same without it, so I make an exception).

Last Tuesday was our first Dessert Day–a new tradition for just SuperGirl and myself. We looked through some of my cookbooks, and she chose to make a Blueberry Coffee Cake with Cinnamon Walnut Crumble Topping (from Let Them Eat Vegan!, if interested). It was delicious!

This coming Tuesday (tomorrow) she’s chosen to make a Red Velvet Cake with Buttercream Frosting (from The Vegan Table…just typing that recipe name is making my mouth water). So far I approve of her choices! And I have to say that on my own, I might never be so adventurous; in fact, the coffee cake was the first “cake” I’ve ever made!

But Dessert Day is not the only tradition I’m creating with SuperGirl; I decided to also take a picture each week with SuperGirl and the dessert she creates, a sort of photo collection we’ll be able to look through in the future and see not only how much she grows over time, but all the different things we’ve created. Since I’ve come up with a million excuses in the past for why I always forget to take pictures now that the girls are toddlers, this is a great weekly reminder.

Here’s a picture of SuperGirl with her first creation, the Blueberry Coffee Cake. =)

Do you have any specific traditions you practice with your child apart from the holidays? Or if you haven’t gone so far as to call it a tradition, what is something special the two of you do together?

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 8 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

A Mom Product to Keep You Sane…

I’ve found that one of the most difficult things for me in trying to eat healthfully (i.e. cooking at home instead of eating restaurant food/fast food) is in the actual planning. I can usually find the time to cook–in fact, I’ve discovered I really enjoy cooking when I do it–but the only time I have to research recipes and plan a weekly menu is after the girls are down for bed at night, and by that time I’m usually too exhausted or need to start working on writing.

I know, I know. If it was a priority, I could MAKE time for meal planning. And I get that, I do… but I’ve just never been able to do it consistently. Hence my search over the years for a way to make it easier.

I thought buying someone else’s meal plans would be the thing. Sure, it cost almost $20/month, but I figured if it actually got me cooking more at home, we’d save that much on what we’d usually spend eating out. Also, there was the convenience of someone else picking out the recipes and putting together the grocery list (ah, the daunting task of the grocery list…I always seem to forget something!). So I tried buying meal plans. I was very gung-ho about it… until I realized that I’d naively bought the ingredients for ALL the meals on the plan, including breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and we usually have cereal/oatmeal for breakfast and leftovers for lunch, so it was really only good for me for one third of the recipes. Not that big of a deal, you’d think… except that the thing I liked most about the meal plans was the grocery list already put together, and only cooking the dinners in the meal plan meant I’d have to go through and cross out all the ingredients for each breakfast and lunch. Needless to say, I quickly canceled my subscription.

But THEN I did a Google search (yes, I sometimes need to trust my search engine a little more) and found a website called plantoeat.com, and really–this is the tool I’ve been looking for all along!

Why do I love Plan to Eat?

1) It only costs $5 a month, which you can pay month-to-month, or you can make it even cheaper by paying a full year in advance at $39 (which I did). It also has a free 30-day trial so you can see whether or not it will work for you (which I did, too).

2) You can import recipes from blogs/websites. This is something I do A LOT, and is very convenient in adding to my recipe database (read: time-saving). I have found that the import doesn’t work with some of the blogs I frequent (I think it’s an issue with formatting), but even then I still use it so I can get the picture on the blog, and it really doesn’t take me that long to add the directions and ingredients.

3) You can mark your recipes as “public” or “private”. I make all the recipes I get from blogs “public”, as anyone could find them like I did, but if I add a recipe from a cookbook I own, I’ll make the recipe “private” so I don’t violate any copyrights.

4) Because you can make your recipes “public”, yes, this means you can share recipes with “friends” who also have Plan to Eat.

5) You can tag your recipes with anything you want, label them according to type of cuisine, which course, the main ingredient, and also give each recipe your (or your family’s) rating.

6) One thing I REALLY love (especially considering not all of my family loves the same recipes I do), is that even though one of your added recipes might list the serving size as 6 (for example), you can change the serving size to whatever you want at any time, and it AUTOMATICALLY calculates the changes in ingredients (LOVE!!!).

7) When it comes to actually planning meals, you can insert a recipe onto a day in your Plan to Eat calendar–a visual menu. Not only is this good to see what’s coming up, but also so you can see what you’ve already made and make sure you don’t make something too often.

8) And when it comes to the grocery list (SQUEE–lol, can you tell I’m excited??), whatever recipes you put in for your menu plan, Plan to Eat automatically creates a grocery list for you and even places the ingredients together in common aisles/sections (according to how you input the ingredients in each recipe). Note: If you have a smart phone, you can also access your grocery list on your phone and check off items as you shop (awesome). Unfortunately, I don’t have a smart phone right now, but this is something I look forward to doing in the future.

9) I know this is pretty much obvious seeing as I already mentioned the ability to import recipes from blogs and add your own recipes from cookbooks, but I am happy that I can input any recipe whatsoever that I want into my customized meal plans; when I bought the aforementioned meal plan that cost $20/mo, all the recipes were from the same person/company, so this way I get a lot more variety in terms of cooking methods, dishes, etc.

10) Finally, I love that I’m able to access the Plan to Eat website on my Kindle Fire so that when it comes time to cook a meal, I can view the recipe digitally. Less counter space taken up, no worries about splatters messing up the paper/cookbook, etc. This is a great convenience for me.

***

I know I’m gushing about this (and no, the owners have no idea how much I’m promoting Plan to Eat right now), but to be honest, the only drawback I see is that it takes time to add recipes to your database. That’s it. Right now I might spend thirty minutes or an hour each week adding recipes to use for later on, but this doesn’t bother me because a) once the recipe is in there, I’m golden and b) the other convenient uses of Plan to Eat are well worth the time needed to add recipes (and don’t forget you can get recipes from your “friends”, too!).

Oh, and did I mention that we’re saving a lot of money by not eating out as much and eating a lot more healthfully because of this, too?

All right, I’m done gushing. =) You might have a menu planning system that already works for you, but if you don’t, I strongly encourage you to try the 30-day free trial at plantoeat.com. Just wait and see… you might be gushing soon, too. =)

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, still my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning…usually 2 am or so. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 9 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

It’s Not About Favorites

I think we all know as parents that if we have more than one child, we’re not supposed to have a favorite. Or, if we DO have a favorite, we’re certainly never supposed to admit that out loud. My mom was very good about this. Every time my brother and I would ask something along the lines about who she liked better or loved better, etc., she would say she loved us equally. (Of course I kept asking. I guess I thought one day she would admit it was me. )

But the thing I’ve come to realize, unfortunately, is that it’s not about favorites–at least not for me. Instead, it’s about ease of interaction.

I can say with 100% honesty that I love my daughters equally. But, with the same amount of honesty, I’d also have to admit that it’s so much easier for me to get along with my youngest, WonderGirl, than it is SuperGirl. I know they’re only 3 and 2, but their personalities really haven’t changed that much since they were babies.

The thing is, SuperGirl is SO MUCH like me. She’s quiet, she’s observant, she’s independent, she’s moody, she’s rebellious. She’s fun, but it takes a lot of effort to get to the heart of her. An introvert through and through.

In contrast, WonderGirl is definitely an extrovert. She’s advanced in her speaking abilities, she’s almost always smiling, always saying she loves me, always ready for a hug and a kiss–such a people person. Yes, she has her flaws: she’s stubborn as heck (I have never seen a child throw a temper tantrum like she can), but in comparison to SuperGirl, she’s so much easier for me to get along with and, well, to parent.

I don’t LIKE this feeling. I want to feel like I’m as good of a mom to one as the other, that I will have as good of a relationship with one as I do with the other. It’s even harder to have special time with SuperGirl because I’m WonderGirl’s favorite, so if we’re in the same room together, WonderGirl immediately claims me and gets upset if I try to show more attention to my oldest. Beyond that, if we’re with my husband, too, HE is SuperGirl’s favorite and he’s very permissive with her, so I always look like the bad guy.

It’s exhausting and frustrating. My husband was gone this past weekend for a short trip, and while the single-parent thing was definitely a challenge (hats off, as always, to you single ladies!), I actually found that my interactions with SuperGirl went better because there wasn’t the constant pull-and-tug with her favoring my husband and not wanting to listen to me. However, these kinds of trips aren’t going to happen very often, so I need to find another way to connect with her.

I’m going to talk to my husband about scheduling one-on-one time with each kid each week for the future, and see if that helps. But I’d really like to hear any ideas and experiences you guys have for this kind of situation. This mama needs help!

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning…usually 5 am or so. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 8 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

Pregnant with #3… Here we go!

As many of you know (if you follow me on Facebook), I am now pregnant with #3. Some of you may think I’m insane. Some of you might be excited for me. Or, you might be like my brother, who already has 3 small children, and wish me “good luck” and lament the fact that I can’t drink.

The thing is, *I* think I’m insane. But I’m also excited. Growing up as the youngest of 2 children, and my husband also being the youngest of 2 children, I always looked at my aunts and uncles on both sides, who were each part of a 4-child family, and envied their closeness. (Okay, I only envied one side; the other side is kind of crazy–let’s be honest.) There was never anyone to take my side against my brother! I always got labeled as the trouble-maker because he was perfect (although I still crow over the fact my GPA in high school was higher than his… important stuff, right? ). Anyway, my husband and I, since we’ve been married, have always talked about having 3 or 4 kids.

Also, can you believe it? This is our first current pregnancy post on Peanut Butter on the Keyboard! *cheers*

So, to catch everyone up to date (or, rather, because my pregnancy brain is all-consumed by pregnancy stuff…), here are a few fun things about this pregnancy:

1) I’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow (January 29th).

2) It’s NOT twins. Or triplets…or any other multiple set… =)

3) I’ve had this premonition for a while that if we DID have four kids, the gender pattern would be girl, girl, boy, girl. Dum dum dum…

4) We WILL be finding out the gender (we’re just not patient enough to wait!), but not at the 20 week anatomy scan. I’ll open up an envelope with the gender on either Easter or my birthday (both the week after the scan; still haven’t decided which).

5) I’m due August 13, 2013.

6) When talking about the baby, WonderGirl (2) keeps pulling up my shirt and looking at my belly and saying, “I can’t see it!” SuperGirl (3), very intelligently answers the question, “Where is the baby?” by saying, “It’s in Mommy’s uterus.” Because it’s important to be anatomically correct at any age. =)

7) When asked what she’s most excited about teaching the baby, SuperGirl said, “about Captain America.”

8) No morning sickness! Hallelujah! (Just very slight nausea sometimes.) In this case, it’s the easiest pregnancy I’ve had so far. However, the fatigue is kicking my butt up one hill and down the other. (Actually, it’s rolling me up one hill and down the other, as I’m too tired to even pretend to stand.)

9) I am already thinking about possible online nicknames for this new baby, boy or girl. So far we have SuperGirl and WonderGirl. I’m open to more superhero/heroine suggestions… You know you have ‘em!

10) I am prepared to BEG all nurses, doctors, and anesthesiologists I see this time for an epidural. Because I have a genetic blood disorder, I’ve been unable to have one the last two deliveries, but I’m hoping that someone will have mercy on me this go-around and not make me become the woman who screams “I can’t do this! Help me!” again. =)

I promise I will try to write about other things beyond pregnancy for the next, oh, 7 months. However, prepare for my scintillating post sometime during the summer months about “it’s sooooo hot!”.

As you can see, the Rome family has started off the new year huge. What about you? What exciting new things are going on in your life, PBK family? Let’s celebrate! =)

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (2, still my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning…usually 2-5 am or so. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 9 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

Lost and Imperfect

To be honest, I’ve searched every forlorn cell of my brain for the past couple of weeks to try to come up with something good to write about for a new post–or if not good, then at least readable. Maybe not inspiring, per se, but at least a cute little tidbit you could read that would make your life easier/more meaningful/relatable/fill in a suitable adjective here.

And I guess, instead, since searching my brain cells hasn’t worked, I’ll just be plain me for one blog post–and hope that by the next time I’m due to write one, I’ll have something useful and coherent to say. =)

Truth is, I’m worn out. I currently have a cold so bad that my eyes feel like they’re about to swell shut…and I’ve only been illness-free for a couple of weeks, because at the beginning of December I came down with a horrible cough/virus/what-have-you that laid me out for a week. In between these, my mother-in-law died after struggling with COPD for the past three years. For several months before that, the four adults near her (my husband, myself, my SIL and BIL) were taking turns at the hospital or at my sister-in-law’s house around the clock to sit with her. Rarely has a week passed since my 3yo started going to pre-school in August that none of our immediate family members has been sick. I “joined” a book club in August but have yet to be able to make a month’s meeting because of illness or something else inopportune. My house never seems to be clean–or even picked up (this is, of course, a common complaint with us, but I felt like I would just add it on anyway). Oh, yes, and my husband has been having “slumping” episodes where he’ll be talking and in the middle of a sentence will just slump over. Not pass out, just… lose abilities for a moment. He had an EEG before Christmas, and we’re still waiting for the results.

Thing is, I know I’m not the only one who’s going through a tough time right now. Possibly all of you are, in some degree or another. Perhaps you, too, feel overwhelmed because you had all these plans and schedules and things that you use to try to have some semblance of control in your life, and somehow you never get to follow through. Perhaps you, too, have been faced with the illness and/or passing of a loved one. Perhaps you, too, resolve every night to be a better parent and partner the next day…and when the next day comes, for whatever reason you find it an impossible resolution to keep.

Lately I’ve been feeling…depressed isn’t the right word, because I’ve been depressed before, and I know this isn’t it. Not lost, either. “Blah”, I suppose, works, or purposeless. As a woman who always has a plan for the future, so many, many months of seeing every single plan get stomped on and thrown away (including the publication of my book that was supposed to happen in JUNE of 2012!!!) has just left me…okay, I suppose “lost” does work here.

Then I started reading UNGLUED by Lysa TerKeurst last night just at random because nothing at all really interested me (you know you’re not doing particularly well when you can’t even get excited about books!), and I came across a phrase that really spoke to my heart: “Imperfect Progress.”

It sounds like something I’ve read before. You probably have, too. And I don’t know why, but those two words last night were abruptly imbued with new meaning.

We could use those two words to address a specific area in our lives or even ourselves as individuals. Or, for me lately, and perhaps for you, when the world feels like it’s upside down and spinning backward, we can think of those two words as instructions to get through each day. Progress is taking it one day at a time, not knowing or depending on the future, but just being alive in the moment. (I know this is especially hard when your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum because she’s trying to tell you what she wants by pointing and screaming, and you can’t understand her *because* she’s screaming, and because the thing she wants happens to be in another room entirely…believe me, I know.) Sometimes, progress is just allowing yourself to breathe. Not feeling guilt for that extra-long bath or heck, for having a bath at all.

And not just progress, but IMPERFECT progress. I think it’s something I’m going to start striving for, even though I’m pretty sure the perfectionist inside me is going to flip out. Instead of berating myself for not meeting my own expectations or achieving my plans, I think it will be interesting to congratulate myself every time I’m forced to recognize my own humanity.

Imperfect progress. Two steps forward, one step back. Maybe the world is still upside down and spinning backward and I may still feel a little lost when things don’t go as planned, but that’s okay. I’m okay with wobbling. As long as I keep going forward.

Creating Holiday Traditions

(SuperGirl and WonderGirl last Christmas)

I think even before we were pregnant with SuperGirl, my husband and I were talking about traditions. Specifically, the traditions we wanted to create with our kids to continue on down the years. You see, if we had any traditions growing up, they were either inconsistent (didn’t happen every year) or something that happened rather spontaneously–not something that we put thought into and declared: “this is our family tradition!”.

Last year, when I asked online friends what kind of traditions they celebrated during the holidays with their family, I received tons of great ideas. Of course we couldn’t incorporate all of them at once, but I’m hoping that each year we might add one more tradition to our family holidays.

The first year we had a child (2009), the first tradition was simple. My husband and I had been picking out a Christmas ornament each year for the two of us since we were married, so it seemed natural to get a Christmas ornament for each child each year, too.

In 2010, I don’t think there was a conscious effort to develop any traditions. SuperGirl was only 18.5 months by that point and WonderGirl just 1.5 months, and honestly, we may have been too exhausted to even think about it. =) No…wait. I think I’ll count putting up a nativity as the tradition we started that year–one of my favorite traditions, too.

In 2011, thanks to some awesome reader friends, I discovered that it’s semi-normal for families to exchange gifts of pajamas on Christmas Eves. Since we’re a pajama-loving family (I even recently bought a pair of adult-sized footie pajamas–ahhh, my feet stay so toasty now! ), this seemed like one holiday tradition we could definitely indulge in.

And now, in 2012, I’ve decided that the new tradition we’ll start this year is to throw a small birthday party for Jesus on Christmas morning. I actually stole this idea from my amazing, supermom sister-in-law, who is always coming up with really creative and awesome ideas, and then recently found out (as in last week) that other people do this, too. (There must be a list of traditions somewhere I’m missing! lol). I have to admit, my husband kinda thinks the birthday party idea is weird, but since I’ve been trying to convince him that we’ll make it a breakfast cake instead of a birthday cake, he got all excited about it. You know men. The way to a man’s heart… =)

And I’m already thinking about possible future traditions! So please share–what holiday traditions do you and your family enjoy each year?

And in case you’re interested in more details about the birthday party for Jesus (if Christmas is a holiday you’re celebrating), I’m including a picture and symbolism given by a friend below.

A birthday cake for Jesus:

• It must be round, symbolizing His love which encircles me in the world
• Chocolate cake—preferably devil’s food; denotes human sin
• The star and angel on top are bearers of the first glad tidings
• Twelve red candles represent the twelve months of the year that He is our light
• Red color for the blood He shed for us
• Circle of evergreens around the cake remind us of the everlasting life He has given to us when we receive Him into our hearts and lives

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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (1, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning…usually 5 am or so. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 8 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com

Winner of our Holiday Escape Giveaway!

Thank you so much to everyone who entered the giveaway.

We want to wish all of you who are celebrating today a very Happy Thanksgiving!

And also, of course, a huge congratulations to Joan Osborne, our winner! We hope your prizes will help you to stay sane this holiday season! =)

Our Holiday Escape Recommendations and Giveaway!

It’s nearing that time of the year again! Have you decorated your house for Thanksgiving? I know we’ve all seen Christmas decorations already out in the stores. Some have said they’ve even heard Christmas songs on the radio!

Yes, it’s true. My favorite part of the year is coming (warm pajamas! Christmas trees! holiday-scented candles! and, of course, this is the first year my little ones will really “get” Santa). But don’t worry, we moms at Peanut Butter on the Keyboard know how insane it’s going to get. And we’ve got your back.

Below you’ll find our personal recommendations for books we’ve loved and believe will help you escape the holiday insanity (apply as needed). We’re putting these recommended books, a few of our own, and a Harry & David’s gift tower into a spectacular escape-the-insanity holiday giveaway for you (note: you do NOT need to be a mom to enter)!

Even if you don’t win the giveaway, we still hope you’ll find a book or two that you’ll love this holiday season.

THE GOODIES

Harry & David’s Gift Tower

• 5-6 Royal Riviera® Pears
• 2 Apples
• Milk Chocolate Moose Munch Snack (10 oz.)
• Raspberry Galettes (5.25 oz.)
• Assorted Truffles (4 oz.)
• Bing Cherry Chocolates (6 oz.)

Royal Riviera® Pears. “So big and juicy, you eat them with a spoon®.” That’s what Harry and David used to say about our expertly grown Royal Riviera® Pears. Since 1934, we’ve grown our gourmet Royal Riviera® Pears in a handful of orchards. A machine hasn’t yet been invented that can harvest pears without damaging them. So we do it by hand. A practiced picker will fill one bin per hour, which holds about four hundred pounds of pears. The pear has to be picked at the stem so that the hand doesn’t break the flesh of the fruit. It’s with great care like this that we are able to offer a premium fruit that is truly sweet to the core.

Truffles. Rich, smooth and beautifully decorated. There’s nothing quite like biting into the creamy center of a premium quality gourmet chocolate truffle. We’ve been using our signature truffle recipe for over 30 years and it hasn’t changed for a reason. Filled with a rich, secret cocoa blend that melts in your mouth, these silky truffles are the chocolate lover’s dream.

Galettes. The delicate texture and sweet fruit filling make these galette cookies hard to forget. Handcrafted with the finest gourmet ingredients from our heritage recipe. These galettes are so popular we started handing them out on our bakery tour. Classic, buttery and tender. We’re crazy about them. And we think you’ll understand why.

Moose Munch® Popcorn. Picture gourmet caramel corn mixed with candied nuts. Now add an exclusive blend of high quality chocolate. Our Moose Munch® Popcorn is no ordinary caramel corn. We combine two different popcorn kernel shapes to create the perfect crunch and pop. Available in over 15 unique flavors. It’s hard not to fall for this sweet and salty treat.

Chocolate Cherries. Bing cherries covered in chocolate with a sweet candy coating. The perfectly smooth texture and sweet, juicy center are what make these cherries so tempting. Handmade with care, it’s that combination of tart fruit and rich, creamy chocolate that makes our chocolate cherries a timeless favorite.

THE BOOKS

Robyn DeHart

Recommended Holiday Escape:

I’m giving away Lisa Kleypas’ Mine Till Midnight because it features one of my very favorite heroes of all time, Cam Rohan. He’s certain to keep you warm on those cold winter nights.

Also Giving Away:

Robyn’s December 2012 release, A Little Bit Wicked.

Both books will be ebook format.

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Shana Galen

Recommended Holiday Escape:

I chose Robyn DeHart’s Treasure Me as my perfect holiday escape.  It’s a Victorian-era romance full of passion and with thoughtfully crafted characters. This book is full of surprises. Treasure Me sends a bookish heroine and a treasure hunter on a adventure of a lifetime. Adventure and romance are always the best way to escape.

Also Giving Away:

One of Shana’s own adventure romances, Lord and Lady Spy.

Both books will be print format.

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Ellie James

Recommended Holiday Escape:

I’m giving away The Gift of the Magi, my all-time favorite story about the true meaning of love. I get that warm feeling inside just thinking about this story!

Also Giving Away:

Ellie is also giving away her debut Young Adult novel, Shattered Dreams.

Both books will be print format.

***

Kieran Kramer

Recommended Holiday Escape:

I’m choosing Mary Balogh’s A Christmas Wish/Christmas Beau as my holiday getaway selection because I have always loved every single one of her holiday books! Mary Balogh puts me in the true Christmas spirit more than any other writer–I think because she’s such an emotional storyteller. She gets to the heart of the matter, and she keeps you there. All is right with the world at the end of her holiday stories, and that’s exactly how I want to feel at Christmas, warm and happy inside with hope for the future.

Also Giving Away:

Kieran’s own Loving Lady Marcia.

Both books will be winner’s choice of ebook or print.

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Emily McKay

Recommended Holiday Escape:

My favorite holiday book is Mary Balogh’s Under the Mistletoe, an anthology of five Christmas themed novellas. I believe four were previously published in other anthologies and one is new (or rather was new when the book came out in 2006). Only the incomparable Mary Balogh could write five Christmas themed Regencies and have each of them be so different and so completely satisfying. Plus, in a busy holiday season, when we’re squeezing reading in at the end of a busy day, brevity is a bonus.

Also Giving Away:

Emily’s own The Billionaire’s Bridal Bed.

Both books will be print format.

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Elise Rome

Recommended Holiday Escape:

One of my favorite books this year has been Jenn LeBlanc’s The Rake and the Recluse. Originally a six-part illustrated serial, this book made me sigh and smile and swept me away when I needed it most.

Also Giving Away:

Because Elise doesn’t have a book out just yet, she’s also giving away another of her favorite 2012 reads, Jill Shalvis’ At Last.

Both books will be winner’s choice of ebook or print.

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Maisey Yates

Recommended Holiday Escape:

I’m including Tessa Dare’s A Week to Be Wicked because it was my favorite book I read this year. It’s genuinely funny, sweet and emotional. The perfect book to read by the fire. Which I did!

Also Giving Away:

This time of year always makes Maisey nostalgic because she sold her first book December 1st, 2009. In addition to her holiday escape recommendation, she’s also giving away her Call of Duty series: A Royal World Apart and At His Majesty’s Request.

All three books will be print format.

***

Yes, dear reader, that’s a Harry & David’s Gift Tower as well as FIFTEEN books to help you stay sane during the holidays! The giveaway opens today and ends November 21st; the announcement of the random winner will be made on November 22nd, Thanksgiving, so you can receive your prizes just as the December craziness begins. Ready to enter? Don’t forget–you don’t have to be a mom, just someone who can appreciate a giveaway like this as much as we would. =) (Alas, due to shipping costs, we are limiting this specific giveaway to US residents only. International residents, we love you, too, and will have other giveaways in the future open to you as well!)

If you are a United States resident and wish to enter the giveaway, please do so by commenting below and letting us know which book YOU’D recommend to others as a holiday escape!