No, the giveaway isn’t of the teenager variety. (Thank goodness!) =) We’re thrilled to have fellow mom and author Catherine Kean at Peanut Butter on the Keyboard today! In addition to fabulous historical romance, Catherine also writes flirty and fun contemporary romances under the pseudonym of Cate Lord. Welcome, Catherine!
When my daughter was young, I dreaded her becoming a teenager. Friends had told me that those years would be a nightmare, governed by emotional tantrums and lots of parent/child boundary-pushing. Whether she’d been given parental permission or not, she’d get body piercings and tattoos. Clucking their tongues with sympathy, those friends said, “You and your daughter will end up hating each other.”
Really? My sweet, sensitive, smart girl would turn into a hellion who despised me? I wanted to cry.
My daughter will be seventeen this fall. I’m glad to say, we don’t hate each other. In fact, just the opposite; we’re great friends. Our relationship is different now than it was when she was little, but I’m okay with that. I love the intelligent, artistically-talented young woman she’s become.
I know not every woman is able to be a stay at home mom or a mother who
works from home, but I think these factors have helped me stay close to my daughter. When I got pregnant, I made the decision to leave my full-time job—a choice my husband fully supported. I was there when she crawled for the first time, walked for the first time, and when she drew her first animals with crayons. I took her to swimming lessons, taught her how to write letters, and to read. She loved books—still does—and we spent a lot of time in bookstores. J Some of my favorite memories are of us sitting together at the kitchen table painting or making “food” out of Play-Doh.
Being home every day with a small child wasn’t easy, but it was worth every challenge I experienced. It also helped me pursue one of my lifelong dreams: to become a published author. When my daughter took her afternoon nap, I wrote. My first historical romance, A Knight’s Vengeance, was penned during this time. That book was published in mass market paperback in 2006, following my award-winning debut release Dance of Desire in 2005. I can still remember the day that my daughter proudly told one of her elementary school teachers: “My mom’s a published romance author.”
Middle School was a big transition because it meant a larger campus and tougher classes. My daughter had to learn to prioritize her time and deal with peer pressure. Yes, we did have some emotional turmoil then, usually when she was having a busy week and felt overwhelmed with homework. In talking with other parents with kids in their early teens, though, I learned that kind of stress is pretty normal—and to be expected. Were those years hard? Yes. Did we have difficult discussions? Yes. Did she and I end up hating each other? No. What we did end up doing is learning to listen to one another, and at times, 
to respectfully disagree. I also decided that some issues—like her wanting to cut her hair short and dye it red—were not worth disagreeing over; in the “grand scheme” of life, this is not a big deal. I’m pleased to say I had the honor of speaking to her English class about my writing career, and was thrilled that she and the kids thought I was “cool.”
When my daughter started High School two years ago, that was another big change, and yes, again, we did see struggle with some emotional issues. I also had major changes in my career. After writing and having six paperbacks published, I learned my publisher had decided to stop printing romance novels. I got out of my publishing contract, asked to have the rights to my books returned to me, sold a contemporary romance to a new house, left my agent, and self-published my backlist as eBooks. With her artist’s eye, my daughter critiqued early versions of my eBook covers and gave great suggestions for improvements. She also discovered her own love of writing, and she and I are currently working on a Young Adult novel, a wonderful way to spend time together.
While her homework keeps her pretty busy, my daughter and I make time for each other. We both feel it’s important, and I love that we agree on this. One of our favorite outings when she has a day off school is to head to our favorite mall to have lunch and then shop. We did this the other day. We talked the latest fashions, oohed and aahed over cute tops and dark-wash jeans, and splurged on cute lace-up boots for her as well as some new jewelry. We come home with lots of new goodies, and we both had a wonderful time.
We also continue to share a love of crafts. “Mom,” she said to me the other day, when we got into the car. “Did you know that Michaels is having a sale on beads? Fifty-percent off.” Her eyes were sparkling, and I had to laugh; she knows I have a weakness for sparkly beads. Off we went to Michaels. I now have spools of stretchy cord to make myself a bracelet, and she stocked up on jewelry supplies too. Maybe this weekend, she and I can sit together at the kitchen table like old times and work on our bead projects. If I ask her, I think she’ll happily agree.
Catherine is giving away a Kindle copy of her latest release, A KNIGHT’S PERSUASION, to one random commenter (winner announced Sunday).
Catherine, I love reading posts like this.
This issue (kids hating their parents) has been something I’ve worried about as I became a mother. My own relationship with my mother has been rocky at times. So I’ve dreaded … well, my daughter growing into me. But then, I’ll hear these stories about mothers and daughters who get along well and it makes me feel all warm inside. There is hope!
Hi, Emily! There is definitely hope! I know you’re a great mom, and I’m sure the years when your daughter is a teenager will be wonderful ones.
As a Mom with two almost grown sons, ones nineteen the other twenty, I can relate to that, I also have a seven and a half year old daughter, who drives me crazy, tells me he loves me and in the next breath tells me she hates me! I am loathing the coming of the teenage years! If she is so strong willed and now how am I going to cope wwhen she becomes a teenager? Boys were easier. God help me!
Hi, Susan! Great to “see” you here!
Aww! I had no idea it was easier to raise boys than girls. Hang in there. 
Your daughter sounds like she’s quite an independent young lady, but she will always need you. I’m sure I gave my mom a few gray hairs when I was a teen (more than a few, probably!).
Catherine, you always give me hope. There have been quite a few times when I was freaking out about something with Baby Galen, and you were always very reassuring that it would get better. Thanks for reassuring me yet again!
Hi, Shana! Did I read somewhere that Baby Galen is now three? Wow. How fast the time flies. It seems like yesterday my baby girl was that young… *Sigh* I’m sure your cutie pie will be a great teenager; from all I’ve seen, she’s been an angel so far.
Yes! She’s 3 today and we are having a fun day so far. She’s an angel, but maybe more of a fallen one! In all honesty, she has her good days and bad.
Catherine, I love teenagers, too! As my kids age up, I keep enjoying them more and more. The last of my three is in the middle of his teen years–and he’s showing all the signs…sometimes I can’t do anything right. But we still love each other to pieces.
We’ve been very lucky compared to some parents we know. We have a great relationship with all three kids, and although the two oldest have given us some serious gray hairs, everyone’s pretty darned stable and healthy and productive right now.
One thing my husband and I have learned is to appreciate every good day–when you have a teen, a rough day might be around the corner! Of course, it’s always that way, no matter how old your kids are. But the problems teens can encounter are so much more potentially damaging. It’s no wonder parents are scared. Another thing that makes parents scared is the fact that our culture promotes teen rebellion–everyone acts like it’s “normal” to have a disobedient, disrespectful teen. Kids see it on TV all the time–smart teens, dumb adults. That’s OUR culture. In other cultures, older people are revered.
So we’ve fought the good fight from both ends–we’ve told our kids that that sort of stereotype of the parent/teen dynamic is hogwash. We expect them to be decent human beings as teens. But we also understand the emotional stress they’re under, the whole psychology of adolescence, how they want to break away from us yet at the same time, they want to keep clinging because life is scary. When you stay aware of what they’re going through, you tend to give your teen a break when they need it.
So we’ve always had a reciprocal agreement–we give them a few bad days…and they owe us a lot of good days in return. And the whole time, lots of TLC and opportunities to talk things out are given, too.
Overall, it has worked really well. I love teens in general anyway. They are fierce and sensitive, which can make an adult’s life difficult sometimes, but that’s also the beautiful thing about teens. They remind you to act alive, to feel this day–because they do, every minute of it. It’s exhausting yet glorious to be a teen and a privilege to be the parent of one.
You sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter!! That’s fantastic. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us, and best of luck in your writing career!!!
:>)
Kieran, wow! Powerful words, and I completely agree. I love how you said teens are “fierce and sensitive.” So true!!!!
Well, clearly I’m feeling emotional b/c your post totally made me cry. I hope, hope, hope that when my girls are teenagers we’ll have the same kind of special bond y’all have. That’s so marvelous.
Catherine, thanks so much for joining us today and for sharing such a great story.
Hi, Robyn!
Aww, I didn’t mean to make you cry. 
I do feel very lucky that my daughter and I are so close. I’m sure you will be just as close to your sweetie pies when they are teenagers.
Catherine, I’m so glad you posted this. My mom and I didn’t have a very good relationship when I still lived at home, but we got MUCH better after I left. =) I’ve always wished it could have been better when I was there, though, and this gives me hope (and tips!) about the kind of relationship I’d like to have with my own daughter. Also, I HAVE to buy your new book soon; so glad you’re publishing these!
Hello, Elise!
I’m so glad you and your mom are getting on well now. I’ve had some tricky times with my mother, but we’ve managed to stay close, which I appreciate. Thanks so much to you and the other author moms for having me here at Peanut Butter on the Keyboard! 
Aww, that’s so lovely! I’m so happy you have such a great relationship with your daughter. As a daughter, I’m envious of *your* daughter for having such a great relationship with her mother. Mine wasn’t and isn’t like that! As a hopeful someday-parent (i.e., I want kids someday, but not quite yet!), I hope I can be like you if I have a daughter of my own!
Thanks for your kind comment, Anna!
I hope you do have a daughter of your own one day; they are so much fun! 
Each day I learn something new from my daughter, which I love.
I love that you and your daugher worked through everything and you were able to realize some things weren’t worth arguing about. I have to say, as a daughter, that my mother and I are as close as my very best friend and I. We share absolutely everything with eachother and we’re practically together almost everyday. We do have our “life stress” moments, but we’re always there for eachother. I know it may seem a bit weird to some people, but it just works for us and our relationship.
Thanks for the great reads’!!
Hi, Shannon! Aww! What a lovely comment. Sounds like you have the perfect relationship with your mom. Kudos to you!
I love this post. Love it, love it, love it! Catherine, you have no idea what a gift your words are. I have a daughter. She’s 8, almost 9. And she’s awesome. We’ve always been close, in amazing lock-step. Sometimes I joke that she’s a far older soul than me, that surely she was MY mother in a former life, but by some twist of fate I get to be the mommy this time around. I was older when I had her, and from the moment I looked into her sweet eyes, my life changed. I discovered a new kind of love, the mother’s love. And it blew me away. Even now, every night, she wants me to tuck her in. It’s our time, she tells me. She likes that we can talk quietly. For school, whenever there’s one of those “I love my mom because…” questions, she writes in “because she puts me to bed every night and makes me feel safe.”
And yet….all around me, it seems everyone I know takes great glee in telling me how that will change. To just wait. In a few years, she’ll want nothing to do with me. Worse, she’ll think I’m stupid. Our relationship will deteriorate. I’ll hardly recognize her. The sweet will go away, replaced by awful. I always push back, saying I can’t imagine that dramatic of a shift. Oh, I know hormones will kick in, and moods, and new interests, boys, etc. And I already get eye-rolls (though they usually have a smile attached.) And sure, I’m getting little doses of “really, Mom…really?” People around me laugh. They say those are the signs, and to be sure, one day very soon, my daughter will reject me and no longer want anything to do with me. They almost seem happy about this, to WANT this.
And then I read your post, and I want to jump up and down and shout and say, “SEE? SEE! It’s possible. Not all moms and daughters “break up.” But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, only that *your* relationship with *your* daughter reinforces my hope/belief that the bond (and respect, and trust) that we’ve built over the past almost nine years does stand a chance
For that, I thank you 
Hi, Ellie!
Your daughter sounds like a sweetie! 
You sound like a wonderful mom, too, and I’m sure you and your daughter will stay close through her “terrible teens” (as some people call it). My husband and I have made sure to tell my daughter that she can always talk to us, no matter how tricky or awkward the subject might be, and I think that’s made her feel “safe” too–that she knows we’re always here to talk, when she feels the need. I know it’s definitely a help to her to be able to discuss embarrassing “girl stuff” with me. 
Love it!
xoxo
The Clarences
Thank you!
You’re welcome!
How is everything/
Hope all is well.
xoxo
The Clarences
http://www.theclarences.com
How lucky you are to have such a warm and loving relationship with your daughter. I am so sad when I see the huge divide between teenagers and their parents. My husband and I worked hard to keep communication going when our sons were teens. I think humor is the biggest thing that keeps a family glued together. Congratulations on your successes!