Me and Shana at a booksigning in Houston
No matter how you come to motherhood you’re automatically, overnight, inducted into a secret club, a camaraderie of women you aren’t quite expecting. At least I wasn’t. Now when I see that mom, I smile and nod in that knowing way. I’ve been on the receiving end of those nods too. We get it. It’s like we’re saying, “I feel you, Mama, and it’s okay, you’re doing a great job.”
one of Emily’s visits when I lived in Tennessee
I think I foolishly came into this thinking that because I’d wanted to be a mom for so long, because I’d always been the one that people said, “oh, you’re so natural around kids, you’ll be a great mom!” I expected it, not to be easy, but I didn’t expect to feel the things I felt. Not the impatience or the frustration, but the uglier stuff – the what-the-hell-did-I-do-to-our-lives kind of stuff. And the best thing I did was talk to my friends. That same friend told me that she, on many occasions, had gone into her closet to hide and just cry. Emily told me similar stories. And I’m pretty sure I’ve apologized to her, more than once, for not being sympathetic enough about her motherhood plights before I “got it.” I’ve emailed Shana a million times over for advice and suggestions and she always comes through with tips that I never would have thought of.
Not too long ago, after I blogged on here, a fellow writer and mom emailed me. This is not someone I’m close friends with, I think I’ve only ever met her once. But I guess she could tell from my blog that I was struggling and she just reached out to offer support and resources to help with my struggle. It was unexpected and I was so touched that she will forever hold a special place in my heart. (Thanks, Kris!)
I’ve had countless moments like these. Reminders that I’m not alone. That I’m not crazy. (okay I am totally crazy, but it’s the writing that does that, not so much the parenting) These women welcomed me with open arms into the club, not every minding that I’m not a “traditional” mother, no, they didn’t even wait until the adoption was final. So I want to tell all of you out there, that no matter where you are today, no matter what struggle you’re having, please reach out to the moms you know and know that you’re never alone. We’re all in this together.
I’m Robyn DeHart, AKA Basket-Case Mama, but not because I’m crazy (though really, what mom isn’t?) but because I have a slight obsession with baskets, well containers really. I’m a bit of an organization nut and I love to containerize stuff. And yes, I’m authorized to use words like that because I am also a writer. But back to the kids, so I’m mom to two ridiculously beautiful little girls and I can say that without bragging because I didn’t actually make them. Last year my husband, The Professor, and I adopted said little lovelies from the foster-care system here in Texas and now we’re a big happy forever family. Busybee is three and so full of joy it just oozes from her. Babybee is a walking-talking toddler who has a heck of a temper but is so cute, it almost keeps her out of trouble. Though neither of my girls are newborns, I’m fairly new to motherhood compared to the other peanut butter moms, but we’ve settled in as a family as if we’ve always been together. When I’m not trying to keep up with my two bundles of energy, you can usually find me on my laptop on Pinterest, no, that’s not right, um…you can find me writing, yes, that’s it, writing my latest historical romance. www.robyndehart.com
I was in college when my older sister had her children. I was always ready to lend “helpful” advice – which she never seemed to appreciate!! Now that I am a mom to two pre-teen girls, my sister just smiles and nods and to her credit has never once said, “Now do you see how it is???” Welcome to motherhood, Robyn. It doesn’t matter how you got here – only that you did!!
We’ve heard it said so many times before, but it’s so very true that raising children is the hardest job you will ever do.
All Moms have been through trying to shop for necessities with cranky children. My boys managed to drive me nuts in the store when they were little. Today, I have lots of compassion for Moms with fussy kids. It helps sometimes to smile at the children and the Mom and make a humorous remark about a toy or book or whatever. It usually stops the children from fussing and makes them smile too!
Robyn, thank you so much for writing this post today. So many of the things that you said are things that have passed in and out of my mind, and I feel like I needed to see it here for them to become concrete. I’m so thrilled that I became a mom to two wonderful little girls–even when they drive me crazy!–but I’m also immensely thrilled to be part of this “club”. Just like when you’re a writer and you go to a writing convention and everyone’s a friend, I feel that way about being a mom. It’s a fantastic feeling.
Yeah, the mommy club is a pretty special group. We do all have to depend on each other! My first few years as a mother, I didn’t have *any* mommy friends and I was so lonely! I’m glad I have so many mommy friends now! We keep each other sane.
Robyn, I was so glad when you got your girls. I needed you in The Club! I remember when I told a friend of mine with two kids that i was expecting, and she said, “Finally!” She wanted me in the club. Thanks for the sweet post.
Thank you!
xoxo
The Clarences
Robyn, It IS a special club, and I feel for the women who are desperately trying to become part of it and can’t–my sister has a friend who’s gone through such heartache recently. She lost two babies in two separate pregnancies that were several months along. They are now looking at adoption options and trying to stay positive. We are truly blessed to have our children, although I know exactly what your friend means about hiding in a closet and crying. It can get so tough! You’re so right we need those other mom friends to help us through those rough patches. Nowadays, even if you don’t have a mom friend near you, you can find one online. That’s one of the best things about the internet, in my view–that it’s fostered such an active mom community–connecting all of us who not only need support but who might have advice to offer other moms, too, who are seeking it.
I loved the pictures in this post!!!
:>)
Robyn, this is a great post, and I so agree. We’re all in this together. And we need more support, less judgment, and more honesty. I think we have that here, and I for one am extremely encouraged by it.
I have been adopted by my parents when I only had six months: and they gave me one of the best childhood I could ask for.
Good luck with your mom duty, maybe from my point of view I can understand it a bit n.n