No matter how you come to motherhood you’re automatically, overnight, inducted into a secret club, a camaraderie of women you aren’t quite expecting. At least I wasn’t. Now when I see that mom, I smile and nod in that knowing way. I’ve been on the receiving end of those nods too. We get it. It’s like we’re saying, “I feel you, Mama, and it’s okay, you’re doing a great job.”Motherhood has changed my relationship with my friends too, deepened them. Now we connect on levels we didn’t before. It’s a tight bond. I know we’re in this together and it makes things so much easier on those days when you’re just at your wits end. I remember in those first few days, after the girls had arrived and I was overwhelmed in so many ways and a friend emailed me and said, “whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s totally okay and normal.” I don’t think she’ll ever know what those simple words meant to me. It was like a balm to my wounded soul.
I think I foolishly came into this thinking that because I’d wanted to be a mom for so long, because I’d always been the one that people said, “oh, you’re so natural around kids, you’ll be a great mom!” I expected it, not to be easy, but I didn’t expect to feel the things I felt. Not the impatience or the frustration, but the uglier stuff – the what-the-hell-did-I-do-to-our-lives kind of stuff. And the best thing I did was talk to my friends. That same friend told me that she, on many occasions, had gone into her closet to hide and just cry. Emily told me similar stories. And I’m pretty sure I’ve apologized to her, more than once, for not being sympathetic enough about her motherhood plights before I “got it.” I’ve emailed Shana a million times over for advice and suggestions and she always comes through with tips that I never would have thought of.
Not too long ago, after I blogged on here, a fellow writer and mom emailed me. This is not someone I’m close friends with, I think I’ve only ever met her once. But I guess she could tell from my blog that I was struggling and she just reached out to offer support and resources to help with my struggle. It was unexpected and I was so touched that she will forever hold a special place in my heart. (Thanks, Kris!)
I’ve had countless moments like these. Reminders that I’m not alone. That I’m not crazy. (okay I am totally crazy, but it’s the writing that does that, not so much the parenting) These women welcomed me with open arms into the club, not every minding that I’m not a “traditional” mother, no, they didn’t even wait until the adoption was final. So I want to tell all of you out there, that no matter where you are today, no matter what struggle you’re having, please reach out to the moms you know and know that you’re never alone. We’re all in this together.
I’m Robyn DeHart, AKA Basket-Case Mama, but not because I’m crazy (though really, what mom isn’t?) but because I have a slight obsession with baskets, well containers really. I’m a bit of an organization nut and I love to containerize stuff. And yes, I’m authorized to use words like that because I am also a writer. But back to the kids, so I’m mom to two ridiculously beautiful little girls and I can say that without bragging because I didn’t actually make them. Last year my husband, The Professor, and I adopted said little lovelies from the foster-care system here in Texas and now we’re a big happy forever family. Busybee is three and so full of joy it just oozes from her. Babybee is a walking-talking toddler who has a heck of a temper but is so cute, it almost keeps her out of trouble. Though neither of my girls are newborns, I’m fairly new to motherhood compared to the other peanut butter moms, but we’ve settled in as a family as if we’ve always been together. When I’m not trying to keep up with my two bundles of energy, you can usually find me on my laptop on Pinterest, no, that’s not right, um…you can find me writing, yes, that’s it, writing my latest historical romance. www.robyndehart.com