Sleep. It’s the secret to having a happy kid.
No kidding.
You want to get rid of the crankiness in your child? The distractibility? The failing grades? The moodiness or borderline depression?
Start by guarding their sleep. I know from personal experience with my three that the big problems—every single one—happened when they were sleep-deprived. So these days, we’re on it.
Sleep. It’s the buzz word in our house. It’s the cure-all that really works better than nagging, imparting fabulous life lessons, visiting the counselor, prescribing drugs, popping vitamins, and crossing your fingers for good luck.
Here’s what kids need, according to WebMD:
1-4 weeks 15-16 hours a day
1-4 months 14-15 hours a day
4-12 months 14-15 hours a day (most get around 12 hours)
1-3 years 12-14 hours a day (most get around 10 hours)
3-6 years 10-12 hours a day
7-12 years 10-11 hours a day (most get around 9 hours)
12-18 years 8-9 hours (ask any teenager if they get this much sleep and they’ll laugh in your face)
I’m worried about this coming school year but now that I know what I know, I’m hoping I’ll head off problems before they start. Nighthawk, who’ll be 15 and entering high school, will be going from 8-9 hours sleep a night to probably seven. His school starts class at 7:15 a.m., and then he’ll have after-school sports and honors classes to deal with. So I’m anticipating that his schedule will be very tight. Luckily, he’s a guy, so getting ready in the morning is easy for him. Indie Girl used to need an hour or more to get ready, but Nighthawk just needs to grab a quick shower and go. Dragon, when he was home, had the most problems when he didn’t get enough sleep. His Asperger’s Syndrome symptoms—especially anxiety–would ramp up exponentially for every hour of sleep he missed.
It’s crazy that our public school system starts so early in the morning, but it’s because we don’t have enough buses. So to juggle the buses, high school and elementary schools start early and middle school starts later. It was nirvana in middle school. The kids got plenty of sleep because school didn’t start until 8:20 a.m. But it was horrible in elementary school. Thank goodness my kids didn’t have to get up extra early to catch a bus. I used to see first-graders sound asleep on the buses when I subbed at the local elementary school. It was a disgrace, in my opinion, that little kids have to catch a bus at 6 a.m. and some even earlier.
I’ve noticed that private schools around here all start at a reasonable hour, usually after 8:00 a.m. I guess that’s one reason parents pay between $7,000 and $20,000 a year to send their kids there. It’s a great luxury starting so “late.”
But sleep is that important. I applaud the private schools for recognizing that.
We moms recognize that, too. So if your school doesn’t start at a decent hour, watch your kids’ sleep time. And take heart. It can be made up—partially–on the weekends. For us, that day is Saturday because Sunday we have church at 9 a.m. and it’s half an hour away. But there are sports, too, on Saturdays. So what are we supposed to do?
Be ruthless. We’ll skip church if our kids are particularly sleep deprived—that’s “breaking the rules” in my culture, but rules are meant to be broken when someone’s health is at stake. We’ll limit sports, too. That’s a big no-no these days, isn’t it?
But nothing is more important than your child’s getting that sleep. No church sermon and no home run hit will make a valid, beneficial impression on an exhausted child!
So I recommend that you stop running on the hamster wheel of too many activities (if you’re on it) and get to the source of many of the problems your child might be having: not enough sleep.
Of course, your child may resist. Make sure there are no screens in his or her room. No phones, nothing except books. They will fight and fight and fight to stay awake!
And then enforcing these measures is almost impossible in high school. Our two oldest kids ran small offices in their bedrooms, what with their laptops to do homework and their cell phones to stay connected to their small army of peers. We generally had to leave it up to them to get enough sleep—which they didn’t, by the way, although they learned as they went along.
So with our third child, we’re preparing to make him self-regulated, too. But luckily, he saw what happened when his two oldest siblings didn’t get enough sleep, and it wasn’t pretty. So Nighthawk’s already recognizing a potential problem, which will hopefully make it easier for him to deal with it.
But it is a problem, moms, for everyone I know. What do you do in your household about sleep?
I read about ‘blue’ lights disturbing sleep and I do agree to no ‘connectivity’… we also limited after school activities… not so much the special ones [like fixing up for a dance] but the ones that consistently time suck… make them pick one or 2.. I don’t think they need to be ‘busy’ every night of the week..
I agree, Cate. Every child needs some down time!!!
I totally agree! We are getting ready for 8am Kindergarten this year… Pre-K started at 9am, so it will be a big adjustment. My 5 year old sleeps 11 hours at night and naps too on the weekends if she is overtired. Any behavior issue she ever has can be directly linked to lack of sleep, so it will be our priority to see that she goes to sleep early enough to still get the same amount of sleep. I am on the same page about no screens in the bedroom too–only books. Luckily, she doesn’t fight going to bed as long as we read, pray and sing.
We are going to limit after-school activities as well to only 1-2 per week. Kids need unstructured play time and down time too!
Good luck with your schedule, Julie! Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in the “Oh, no! If we don’t do A, B, and C, my child will suffer!” syndrome. But the truth is, they suffer most when they don’t get enough rest. :>)
Yes! Kieran! Yes! Baby Galen was such a fussy baby, in part because I do not think she got enough sleep. We lived on a very busy (read: loud) street undergoing construction, and she was awoken early and had her naps interrupted by noise. As soon as we moved to a quiet street, everything changed. She slept longer and better and was much happier overall.
Wow, talk about the perfect way to prove the point that kids need sleep! I’m just sorry Baby Galen was the subject of the experiment, LOL!! I’m so glad she’s getting her sleep now. Even as adults, we see how lack of sleep changes us from reasonable people to monsters. How much more so with kids, who are more sensitive and vulnerable than we are!!!
I’ve just be adjusting my littlest one’s sleep pattern, I had been trying to cut back her daytime naps with the hopes of sleeping more at night, but no joy. So just letting her have the long naps she wants, and making sure she has enough toys to play with in her cot at night, so she goes down at the same time as her older sister but she doesn’t have to go to sleep if she doesn’t want to. i guess every child is different on how much sleep they want and when they want it!
Jessica, kids are so different from each other, aren’t they? Good luck with adjusting to her sleep patterns. I hope she’ll soon match the rest of the family and sleep more at night. Meanwhile, you may want to consider still trying to shorten those naps and put her to bed when you need her to go. How long did you give that a try? Maybe adding another week onto that new pattern will make all the difference. :>)
She seems to have settled down pretty quickly now she is controlling her naps. She just doesn’t seem to want as long to sleep at night as her sister. She seems to like 9 to 10 hours at night, 2 -3 hours during the day, whereas Ellie likes 12 hours in one stint. And I stop Nancy napping during the day, she wakes up a lot at night and still only sleeps 9 to 10 hours. In a months time Ellie will be going to nursery in the afternoon, so it is all going to go up in the air at that point. Thanks ;o)
Our school district has three start times: 7:15 for high school, 8:25 for middle, and 9:35 for elementary. I think that’s completely backwards. I homeschool my specials-needs Hogg schooler partly because he’d never cope with the early start time. My 8-year-old has no time to play after school–in the winter, it’s dark when she gets home.
Sorry to rant. But really, the best thing for sleep that we’ve found is homeschooling!
Confounded auto-correct! I’m sure you’re all filled with confidence in my ability to homeschool my “Hogg” schooler…
Amanda, SO TRUE! That was a big reason I homeschooled for a while. I wish now I had mentioned that in the article!! These crazy schedules for kids wreak havoc with their systems. I had one in elementary, one in junior high, and one in high school all at once, and let me tell you…that was the toughest year! I LOVED when we home schooled because everyone got enough sleep, they woke up at the same time, and we all went to bed about the same time.
No little children at our house which means we get to go to bed when WE want and get up when WE want! Believe me, there WILL come a time when YOU can do that too! Hang in there, Brave Parents!!
Haha, Connie! Yes, that day will come someday. Meanwhile, it’s hunkering down and making the best of the situation. There ARE ways to alleviate the stress, but it takes genuine effort and focus to do so.