Happy 4th of July (to all the American moms out there)!!! Today’s post is not as celebratory as it is relevant to the Rome household. But know that as you’re reading this, we’re probably either getting ready to go or are currently at the new park which is just a few blocks from our house (YES!!) playing on the playground, getting our faces painted, bouncing in bounce castles, and more. =)
No matter whether you’re the mom who’s always outwardly smiling or the mom who lets it all hang out (emotions, that is), there are times when the best thing you can do–for yourself and for your children–is to look to outside inspiration, take a moment, and breathe. I will honestly say that I need that perspective. My kids are truly wonderful and I love them *so much* (picture me holding my arms out to my side as wide as they can get), but there are days when WonderGirl is biting SuperGirl and no one listens to me and time-outs don’t even work and the heat from no AC is driving everyone berserk (okay, this was yesterday), and the control that I thought I had as Mom just doesn’t mean anything to them. I read a wonderful book when we were pregnant with the oldest called CONFIDENT PARENTS, REMARKABLE KIDS (I really need to read this again now that I’m actually a parent), and the greatest piece of advice I can recall is to remember that (and I paraphrase) kids are not trouble-makers; they are simply kids in trouble who need your help. I try to remember this when it seems I’ve lost all parental authority. I also ran across this the other day and thought I would share–because it made me smile and because I know I just need to relax and focus on treating them as kids instead of having control of the situation all the time. Perspective. That’s what it’s all about. =)
Finally, a friend sent this to me, and I thought our readers might be interested. No matter wherever you are (well, unless you’re in Australia, because I think it’s pretty cold there), I’m sending you cool air-conditioned thoughts!
“Kindle INDIEpendence Day (by YA and MG authors)! Do you love your Kindle? Does your kid love it, too?
Deadline to enter is Saturday, July 6!“
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I’m Elise Rome, AKA Midnight Mama because I’m usually burning the midnight oil. If SuperGirl (3, with a speech delay) and WonderGirl (1, my very own hip attachment) aren’t getting up in the middle of the night, then I’m busy working on writing and writing-related business until morning…usually 5 am or so. Both my husband and I stay home with the girls (he’s a writer, too! www.lukasholmes.com), but usually I’m focused on them throughout the day and only get started working until after 8pm when they’re both in bed. I’m a former Texan now living in Colorado who desperately misses no-snow winters, and my parenting goal is to raise my daughters to be strong, intelligent, and independent women…much like the heroines I write, as a matter of fact. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering procrastinator, and perpetually aspire to keep the house clean (because it never actually is). When I’m not chasing around my daughters or adoring my cooking/cleaning/diaper-changing husband of 8 years, I write historical romances about women who fascinate me and men who somehow always remind me of Rhett Butler, the first literary hero who captured my heart. www.eliserome.com
I know just what you mean, Elise, about taking a breather! Yes, yes, yes!!! I’ve had my kids forever, it seems , and yesterday I still managed to have a Mommy Meltdown extraordinaire. So today will be all about stepping back and having fun.
I wish I had an elephant to kiss!!! Now I’ve added that to my list of Things I Have To Do.
Anyway, that post was great, and that list was so cute. Thanks for sharing, and I hope the Rome family has a great Fourth. :>)
Thanks, Kieran! =) I hope you guys had a great holiday, too! *hugs* for yesterday. Last night, I instituted a “no yelling” rule for me (inspired by the picture above). I’m hoping it will help in keeping me calm when things are going downhill fast. Accountability (even to myself) is always good. =)
Oh Elise, I know these days you speak off. You just want to pull your hair out or throw yourself down on the couch and give up. My personal favorite is the moment where I say ‘I think I’m gonna have a Mommy Tantrum.’ Surprisingly my kids pay attention to those words and slowly slink away from the room.
I’m also with Kieran, elephant kissing sounds like an adventure.
Thank you for the post ladies. Happy 4th of July to you all at PB on the Keyboard.
Lol, Landra. I wish I could say that and it would work! I’ve always wanted to be one of those moms who could just give the kids a look and they’d know to behave. Maybe I’d do better elephant kissing.
Great post! Good luck with diaper independence day. Take lots of deep breaths. I love that little note you posted. So important to remember all of those things!
Thanks, Shana! Fortunately for me, Diaper Independence Day has started out well–the girls took a nap almost immediately when it became my shift. Now we’ll just see how the rest of the day (and weeks and months, lol) turns out.
Yes! I know that feeling!!!
I think parenthood is just a crazy mixture of days (and sometimes just moments) when everything seems to be fun, tossed in with days (or moments) when it’s all going to hell.
I once read a blog where the mom said she wished there was a way to make her kids remember only the times she was in a good mood and they were doing fun things, instead of the times fussing or yelling. But since there isn’t a way to do that, we just have to make sure we sprinkle in enough of both.
That sounds like something I’ve wished for in the past, too. =) But we must be doing something right, if they’re still cuddling and giving hugs. That makes it all worth it to me, and gives me hope that I’m showing them more love than autocratic parenting.
This is a painful truth, ladies, but kids will come back for hugs even when the parent doesn’t show affection. They’ve done studies on baby monkeys that keep going back to their mamas even when they’re severely beaten, and it seems a truth throughout all the animal kingdom, of which we are, of course, a part.
But I only mention that grim fact to lead to a really happy, freeing one: your kids will love you even when you mess up. So don’t ever be afraid to apologize if you do. Don’t ever be afraid to say out loud, “I messed up. Forgive me.” My parents never did. But I do it all the time. I know that whether or not I apologize–and whether or not I am good or bad as a parent–my kids will crave my love. So the least I can do is apologize when I’m wrong.
You can never show your kids enough love. And when they hug you, don’t think of it in terms of, “Do I deserve this hug?” Unconditional love is what it is. And we are blessed to receive it. it’s the greatest gift on the planet. Knowing I get that from my kids, whether I’m worthy or not, makes me want to be the best mom I can possibly be for them. It’s a win-win. XOXO