It’s a great pleasure for us to have guest mom Julie Osterman at Peanut Butter on the Keyboard today! Welcome, Julie–we’re so glad to have you here!
You are your child’s best toy.
A wise person once told me this, and I’ve made it my own mantra in raising my two girls. But let’s face it, we’re all busy moms. In a world of iPads, toddler TV, talking toys and other enticing entertainers, it’s easy to forget to just play.
As a music teacher who sings and plays with young children on a regular basis, you would think I’d have it all figured out. Yet on a recent four-hour flight (by myself with two little ones!), I experienced a wake-up call. After Little Sis (age 2 1/2), woke up from a blissfully long nap, she politely entertained my planned activities for a few minutes at a time… colored one picture, put stickers all over me (none for her, thank you) and watched about 10 minutes of “Curious George.” Then, she practically threw the iPad in my lap and said, “No more!”
I was taken aback (she loves George!), and quite frankly a little panicked about how to spend the next two hours en route… But I kept my cool and began to sing a song called “Clickety Clack” that both my girls learned in SongPlay! It is delightfully simple. You move your fingers along 
your child’s arm, over her head, down her leg, etc. as you sing the song, which consists of only two words: you guessed it, “clickety” and “clack.” The punch line is where the “train” lands, and, let me tell you, it is fascinating for little ones. I played this game joyfully with Little and her Big Sis (who’s 5) for close to 30 minutes. Then, we moved on to other repertoire until landing. We exited the plane with big smiles and high fives from our fellow passengers, who enjoyed the toddler concert in row 10 (or at least feigned enthusiasm).
The truth is, your child is yearning to just play… with you! The key is knowing how to play. I know it may sound silly, but in my experience of singing and playing with hundreds of young children (have I mentioned how much I love my job?), here are a few things I’ve discovered:
1) Repetition is the friend of learning. The only one who’s bored after the 10th rendition of “Ring Around the Rosey” is you, my friend. Don’t believe me? I challenge you to play it until your child asks to stop. My advice to you is sing a song, play a game, or re-read a book (if your child requests it) at least 5 times before moving on. I know it’s painful—I read The Napping House over and over at bedtime tonight and Little was still saying, “Do it again!” Oh, the neural connections she has made. (I could go on, but that is a topic for another blog.)
2) Your singing voice (no matter how skilled) is your child’s favorite. So sing out, with gusto. Oh, and if you want your child to sing with you, try to sing in his or her range, which is higher than you think (small vocal chords = higher pitch).
3) Think outside the box. Trouble getting your toddler to eat his veggies? Do a “green bean song & dance” after bites. The whole family participates, in a silly manner. Tired of whining on the way to bed? Give a choice: “Do you want to go to your room like a bear, or a frog?” Growl
or hop with your child, in a silly manner. Can’t choose what to wear? Give your child a fashion show in her clothes, in a silly manner. The key here is silly, people. Young children have slapstick humor. Play it to your advantage!
4) Throw caution to the wind… sort of. As a society we have become overly cautious. When learning to ride a bike, kids wear helmets, knee pads, elbow pads, ankle pads, etc. We’ve removed the monkey bars and merry-go-rounds from playgrounds because, gasp, kids might get hurt! Do me a favor, and don’t be a helicopter mom. Allow your child some freedom to explore and learn to set his or her own limits, even if they skin a knee every once in a while. It builds character! (See photo of Big Sis climbing up the outside of a cool merry-go-round in Canada.)
5) Replace “screen time” with “face time.” Obviously interactive play with you and your family… But how about a live Children’s Theater production? Or a music class? Or a playdate? The options are endless.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to declare that all “screen time” is bad. (I can only imagine the comments!) I do believe there is some value to educational games and programming. The danger is allowing it to outweigh the live daily audio visual interaction that your child needs, with you! Okay, stepping off my soap box now… to go play with my girls!
Do you
ever find yourself so focused on entertaining your child that you forget to interact? Do you have any tips for staying playful in the midst of your busy day?
Julie Osterman spends her days singing and playing with her two girls (5 and 2), as well as the children of her many wonderful SongPlay! families. She is also a freelance writer and editor, with articles published in magazines such as Southwest Art, Shape and Los Angeles Sports & Fitness. Julie is a California transplant living in Texas, and misses the dry heat and cool evenings of summer in SoCal. But she’s grown to love the Texas hospitality… and the brisket! She hopes her Texas-born girls keep their Southern manners wherever they go, and that they always dream big.
Welcome, Julie! I loved your post! It was such a great story about family love and togetherness, even on a plane! :>)
And it might even serve as a friendly wake-up call for some parents.
I so agree with you that children just want Mommy to PLAY sometimes. I look back now and see so many times where I wish I had played more. I wish I had said, “Let’s turn off that TV or video game and play cards or Monopoly or just BE together and tell fun stories.” But I’m not going to regret what I can’t change. We did play together, but in today’s world, it’s so easy to let that face-to-face play SLIDE. Oh, the distractions!! They’re everywhere and are such a challenge for today’s parents to contend with. But it’s those special moments, like your singing with your daughters, that bind families together and create memories.
I used to sing to my kids a lot and sing with them, so that’s something we’ll always have. It’s not just the kids who need those memories but parents, too.
Thanks again for stopping by Peanut Butter on the Keyboard. That picture of you with one of your daughters is lovely!!! I wish you tons of success in all you do as a mom, teacher, and writer.
Thank you, Kieran! It’s a pleasure to be here! I remember so fondly my family’s game nights as I was growing up — Sorry!, Monopoly, Clue, The Game of Life. What wonderful memories! I also remember begging them to watch my favorite TV show instead. I’m so glad they didn’t give in!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts of fighting today’s distractions. You are so right that it’s even harder today!
Great blog, Julie! I have been out of town and am sorry for the late reply! I recently figured out the veggie song and dance, and I wish I had known about it months ago! I’m going to try the walk like an animal routine at bedtime tomorrow. Great, great ideas. And yes, I do find myself entertaining much more than playing.
So glad to hear you can put some of the ideas to use, especially for those more difficult times, like bedtime! This afternoon, Big and Little both wanted to drink out of my big “collide freshie” water jug. We solved the sharing issue by singing a simple song: “Little is taking a sip of water, a sip of water, a sip of water. Little is taking a sip of water, and now it’s Big Sis’ turn.” They shared that way for at least 10 verses of the song… And drank much more water than they would have otherwise!
Oops, meant to say “coldie freshie”… darn auto-correct!
Dear Julie- As a child psychologist who works with children with social-cognitive challenges primarily, I give your blog 2 thumbs up. I often feel as if for my younger patients that I am teaching the parents the value of play and socialization over academics. Often times children are excited to come and see me just for the 1:1 time they get with their parents playing emotional games in my office.
Yes, I completely agree! We try to educate parents about the value of play during Adult Time after each SongPlay! class. We talk about how the song experience games target five different areas of early child development: Social, Intellectual, Physical, Musical and Spiritual/Aesthetic. It is such a joy to me when parents start to really “get it.” thanks so much for your comment, and especially the work you do to encourage families to play together!
Hi Julie,
What a great post! I totally agree about people being your child’s best toys. I say people, ’cause my kids play with each other so much it’s almost ridiculous. Mine are four and seven and they can play together for hours, which is just awesome.
And I love your ideas for how to play with your kids.
I read once that this generation of parents is the least prepared to raise kids than any other in history. Yes, many of us are very well educated and smart, but many of us have also waited to have kids. Plus, our families are smaller and more spread out. That means we don’t go from straight for caring for younger brothers or sisters or cousins to caring for our own kids.
When my daughter was young, we took a ton of kiddie music classes, because I didn’t remember any of those songs. The classes were so much fun (and so important) for a struggling new mom like me!
That is such a good point about how parents these days are farther removed from using the skills that would benefit them in parenting young children!
I am so thrilled to hear about your children playing for hours together. My 5 and 2 year old are getting there. They weave elaborate stories to play out with their baby dolls that stimulates their budding imaginations. My favorite is when I call them for dinner and they don’t want to come because Little needs to pick up her daughter from childcare first (and Big is the teacher, of course!).