Okay so adoption is hip these days. More than likely you know someone who has adopted or is planning to adopt. Part of it, I’m sure stems from the fact that people are marrying later and therefore having difficulties conceiving their own children. The Professor and I have been in the adoption game for a long time since about 2 years into our marriage. I researched everything. At the time we lived in a different state who had different requirements for foster-to-adopt, namely they mandated that you accept a child age 8 and up. As first time parents we didn’t feel equipped to charge down that road, so we looked into other options. I researched Chinese adoption, I mean come on, how beautiful are those children?! But again requirements put a stop to us, namely their net worth requirement. On the heels of an across-the-country move and being still newlyweds, our finances were simply not in that kind of shape. We went down other roads, but all to no avail. So finally we moved back to Texas.
Texas has a fantastic fost-to-adopt system, not all states make it so “easy” to adopt state kids. Needless to say all states are different. That being said, I think there are a lot of other preconceived notions about adopting from the foster care system that simply aren’t true, or at least not the full truth. For one if you ever watch Law & Order or Criminal Minds, 9 times out of 10 when they’re discussing the “perp” they say something like “tossed around from one foster home to the next…” creating a perception that all criminals come from broken homes. Certainly this happens, but it’s not the only requirement, there are plenty of perfectly nasty criminals out there that grew up in great families.
Another myth is that there are only older kids available. Now, there are a TON of teenagers available for adoption and it, in all honesty, breaks my heart. To think of those kids not having a “home” to go to for the holidays, or someone to be there for their wedding, etc. It’s just terrible. There are lots and lots of waiting kids and someday, I hope we’re in the place to make a home for some of those kids. But there are also lots of little ones that are stuck in the system. They’re not always “free” for adoption right away (like our girls) so of course there’s risk, but there’s risk in conception and birthing.
I simply can’t imagine our life without my daughters. They’ve challenged me and pushed me and pulled me outside of myself. I can’t imagine loving a child more than I love them, even one of my own flesh and blood. And we’re only one success story. It’s certainly not without it’s challenges. Our oldest daughter came to us and refused to change clothes for two weeks. We had also been told she was terrified of the bath so we had some obstacles there to work through and those weren’t the full extent of them. But what parents don’t have “issues” to deal with with their children?
Tonight we’re going to speak at our former agency to talk to the latest group of “graduates” from the foster care education class. We’ll tell them the truth, the good and the bad, and we’ll encourage them to move forward, to stay in this and find the kids that belong in their forever family.
There are lots of adoption routes out there, but this one I think is the one most often overlooked. So if you’ve ever considered adoption or know someone who has, please encourage them to research this as an option to adding to their family. You can find out more info here.
I’m Robyn DeHart, AKA Basket-Case Mama, but not because I’m crazy (though really, what mom isn’t?) but because I have a slight obsession with baskets, well containers really. I’m a bit of an organization nut and I love to containerize stuff. And yes, I’m authorized to use words like that because I am also a writer. But back to the kids, so I’m mom to two ridiculously beautiful little girls and I can say that without bragging because I didn’t actually make them. Last year my husband, The Professor, and I adopted said little lovelies from the foster-care system here in Texas and now we’re a big happy forever family. Busybee is three and so full of joy it just oozes from her. Babybee is a walking-talking toddler who has a heck of a temper but is so cute, it almost keeps her out of trouble. Though neither of my girls are newborns, I’m fairly new to motherhood compared to the other peanut butter moms, but we’ve settled in as a family as if we’ve always been together. When I’m not trying to keep up with my two bundles of energy, you can usually find me on my laptop on Pinterest, no, that’s not right, um…you can find me writing, yes, that’s it, writing my latest historical romance. www.robyndehart.com
Our daughters also came to us through the foster care system. We fostered them for a year before the adoption was final. Although it was a worrying time, we knew the local authority would not traumitize our girls by putting them with people who they did not believe would be parents to them.
Our older daughter came with issues, the big one being food, which at five years old, she and therefore we are still dealing with. But I think this route to adoption is one of the most rewarding.
(I too have gone back and spoke to parenting classes. Good luck with your talk.)
Robyn, what a lovely post! I can attest to the fact you have some great kiddos there. My kids and I have been around since you got your girls and I’ve loved watching them grow and adapt to their new lives. I love how well Busybee plays with my kids.
Robyn, you’re exactly right that every child has issues. Baby Galen is certainly no piece of cake, but those girls are so lucky to have you and The Professor as parents.
Robyn,
Thank God for people like you. I love that you and the Professor have created this amazing, wonderful family!!!! Congratulations!!!! You are a testament to the miracles love can bring about.
When I read what you said about teenagers who don’t have a place to go, I felt this visceral pain in my gut because all I have to do is imagine that one of my own sweet kids were in that child’s place. How would I feel if Dragon, for example, were unable to be with anyone at Christmas? It would slay me, is what!!! So what is holding me back from going out and adopting one of those teens?
I don’t know.
This might be a horrible comparison, but the other day, I saw a stray black cat wandering around downtown, but I was in my car and we had to be somewhere. Still, I got a feeling of extreme despondency about that cat.
I had to put it out of my head.
That’s my reaction in general to the plight of the abandoned. But WHY do I allow pain and suffering to go on amid the innocent? That’s what all those unadopted teenagers are. I know I can’t take them all in, but why aren’t I taking in even one?
If I had to give you an answer right away, it would be that I’m afraid and don’t have time to help. This is a lousy answer. Which is why when I read stories from people who’ve gone out and adopted, I feel like I’m around people of extra grace, of extra holiness. In other words, I think you’re closer to God.
I know I’m losing out by not giving as much as I can give. I know that every moment we create our own lives and make choices that we will have to answer for. Right now, we are acting sort of as surrogate parents for a sweet boy whose mom has to work all the time. So in a tiny way, I’m doing something. But not nearly the way I probably should.
Thank you for bringing to light for me this issue on a very personal scale. And again, I’m so in awe of your wonderful little family! God bless you all!!!