I don’t label things. When I hear the word routine, I don’t readily have a definition for it. I once had to take my son late to school because I couldn’t find my car keys anywhere. (They were in the folding cup holder in the mini-van OF COURSE).
When my husband and I got married we thought, let’s wait a few years (maybe five!) to start a family. This was a very good idea. It was smart. We were young (some of us very young. One might say ‘child bride’) we had a lot of time ahead. Plenty of time to become parents. So waiting was the plan.
Anyway, about six weeks into our marriage we found ourselves jobless, moving in with my parents and expecting our first child. (See, something went wrong in there somewhere… the beginning of a series of ‘life not going as planned’ moments.)
Fast forward a year and a half later and we had baby number two (planned, because OH IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO HAVE THEM CLOSE TOGETHER!) and then another two years after that, our little Diva Baby rounded out the Yates pack. In year five of our marriage we weren’t starting our family…we were having our third child.
(Side note: There are a lot of small people in our house. We realized, somewhat belatedly that having three kids meant we were outnumbered. An uprising is likely imminent, but we’re sure when they install a new system of governance they will be fair.)
Oh, we had plans. Plans of obtaining financial solvency and buying a home before having a child. Plans of me being a stay at home mom who cooked and cleaned and ironed sheets.
The hubby and I have learned a thing or two in the past seven years, and the biggest recurring theme seems to be that life doesn’t go according to our plans. We’ve also learned that that’s okay. That very often, when our path veers sharply to the left and into a bramble patch, there’s something way cooler on the other side.
Remember my plans of being a homemaker who vacuumed in high heels and made quiche? Yeah, not so much. During my pregnancy with my second son I discovered romance novels. And after discovering romance novels I discovered a burning desire to write them. So alpha billionaires pushed the quiche recipe out of my brain, and my focus landed on writing as a career. Which, sort of works out because when I made my original plan, I forgot I was a terrible housekeeper.
We didn’t plan on having kids so quickly. We didn’t plan on dealing with ADHD and autism. We didn’t plan on me having a career and my husband being a part time stay at home dad. (who is, depressingly, a way better housekeeper than I am.)
We also couldn’t have imagined how blissfully happy we would be. Or how all the the challenges, expected, unexpected, welcome and, frankly, unwelcome, would make us stronger as a couple and as a family.
If we hadn’t lost our jobs, I would never being doing this for a living. If we hadn’t had our first surprise baby, we would’ t have our beautiful family. If not for the hard times, we wouldn’t appreciate the good quite as much.
So you’ve heard about a few of the curve balls life has thrown me. What are the biggest surprises in your life that have turned out surprisingly wonderful?
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Maisey Yates is a USA Today Bestselling author of sexy, angsty, funny romances and a terrible housekeeper. When she’s not writing books, you can find her reading them. If you CAN find her beneath the massive pile of unfolded laundry. Maisey has three kids (5, 4, & 2) one husband (who is a much better housekeeper than she is) and not a single dull moment. You can find her on twitter, Facebook and her website.
Maisey, I can’t say I’ve had the kinds of surprises you did. I know if I had, I would not handle them so well. You’re awesome. I was surprised to fall in love with my husband. He’s not at all the kind of man I thought I’d end up with. First of all, he likes sports! Great blog today
Shana, it’s funny how you don’t know what you need sometimes until you get it! Also…thanks! I’ll totally take being awesome.
Yes, very great blog!
One of my biggest surprises is how much I enjoy my kids. Naturally, I knew I’d love them. That goes with the territory. But I didn’t know I’d love being with them. I didn’t know how much fun they’d be. How much joy they’d bring to my life.
Emily, I share that surprise with you. Because I was NOT a kid person before having kids. (in my defense, I WAS a kid!) But I was never into babysitting or anything. And my own kids are SO MUCH FUN!
I love this blog. I too am a horrible housekeeper. And had my hubby and I had our first anniversary and 1 month later had our son. Our daughter was born two years and 2 days after that. I think that being a parent is about sacrifice but with the sacrifice comes the joy. Thanks for sharing.
Allison
Allison, all that sounds familiar to me.
And you’re right about the sacrifices. And you’re welcome!
I’m not sure I see why you would be depressed that your husband is a better housekeeper. This, I think, is essential in a mate.
The biggest surprise? Spending, oh, about 8 years on a degree that I’m not using. On one hand, it’s been devastating. On the other, I never would have tried writing a book, never would have gotten an agent. On the other (what? you don’t keep 3 hands around?) I wouldn’t be faced with the nerve-wracking question of ‘will I ever write something that someone will buy?’ Yin and Yang and all that.
Also, I LOVE this blog. Love it.
All right, Lisa, you caught me. It’s a blessing my husband knows which end of the scrub brush is up. Because I don’t.
That’s tough with the degree, and yet…you’re being very brave in putting yourself out there and striving for your dream. I think that’s such a great example we can offer to our children!
Oh yes, the unexpected bits of life. Well, I didn’t expect that I would get married when I was so old.
And consequently I didn’t expect we’d struggle with infertility which included miscarriages and fertility drugs and the utter demise of all of my modesty. Or that I’d ever live in another state besides Texas. It only last four years and then we hightailed it back to the homeland, but still I moved away.
Oddly enough adoption was not unexpected as it was something I wanted to do since I was a teenager. But two at once, well, I mean we asked for it, but the aftermath….well, nothing about motherhood was expected, both the good and the bad. It’s a wild ride, to be sure.
Robyn, that’s a pretty amazing story. I can’t imagine instant, double motherhood with toddlers! You are awesome!
I loved this post! I love how willing you are to embrace a messy, unplanned life! I felt vaguely nostalgic reading it because I get the impression from my parents that most people’s lives unfolded that way in their day. People married early, had kids quickly, worked out the kinks as they came, and didn’t worry so much about having college funds stashed with cash and having the big house and the Volvo station wagon.
I love your attitude, Maisey. Your kids are going to grow up to be fun and adventurous, I have no doubt, and I think that’s the best sort of life to live. We’re here for such a short period of time. We can’t let fear get in the way of truly living.
Oh, thank God. It’s embarrassing that my husband makes a better housewife than I do in many respects. Of course if he did the grocery shopping, our food budget would be spent exclusively on hot dogs and double stuff Oreos. We all have our strengths.
If my husband didn’t cook, we’d starve in my house. The flip side is he’s a terrible housekeeper. It does all work out in the end and you sound like an amazing wife and mother. We’re coming up on our 21st year of marriage and it took 11 yrs to get our one and only child, and she truly is a blessing and, fortunately, very healthy. I am amazed by those who have to deal with so issues, medical or otherwise, with their children. I’m not sure I’d be strong enough.