Working At Home and the Art of Saying No

Monday I said to my husband: That’s it. I’m getting back on a 9-5, 5 day a week schedule.

This was funny, mainly because I don’t think I’ve ever successfully maintained that schedule for more than a day, so ‘back on’ is something of a…dirty lie from the pit of hell. I’m not good with schedules. I’m sort of disorganized, I like to keep my options open. People sometimes ask me how many hours I write a week…and I rarely know the answer.

Because…well, because. Because I don’t keep track. Because I’m very fluid with my time.

This though often leads to me working evenings, and weekends so that I feel like I’m caught up. So NO MORE, I decided.

Monday came, and I did great!

Then I got invited out to go to lunch and shoe shopping on Tuesday. Also, Tuesday (it’s Tuesday as I write this) I had a book coming out, so I was already anticipating that my actual ‘word count’ work would be low because…well, because. I get distracted when I have books come out. And I flail. A lot. I flail a lot.

So already, before Tuesday even hit I had temptations to ditch the schedule.

So much of the problem is me, and I know this. I’m not not good at drawing a hard line and saying: I am WORKING because…well, I’m not scheduled for an eight hour shift at Starbucks. So when I say no to things I feel like everyone is thinking: But you could. IF YOU LOVED ME ENOUGH. (okay, maybe not that last part. But that I COULD)

And the things is, I could. Butt he problem with that is…well, it quickly devolves into seven nights a week of work where I feel restless and edgy all day because the THE WORDS are looming yet ahead of me. So I never have that feeling of: yayyyy done. Instead I have: not getting it done not getting it done finally getting it done sleep.

Add kids to all this and, well…yes, I CAN come look at that. Why yes, I COULD come and spread the jelly for you because you think I do it better than daddy (cuz, awww).

This is what happens to me as a work at home parent. I know that stay at home parents experience similar. The idea that, because they don’t have a ‘boss man’ putting their name on a schedule they’re completely flexible and FREEEE. Yeah, no.

But again, in my case at least, my real problem isn’t necessarily that everyone around me needs to learn that I have a fixed schedule (though…that would be nice) the real problem is that *I* need to learn to say no. I’m bad at saying no. Like really bad. I don’t like to disappoint anyone, and I agree to things often to my detriment. I have good intentions, but  often my perpetual need to say yes sees me either being drive crazy, or forgetting a million important things because…I’ve agreed to DO too many things!

I love that when I need it to be, my schedule is flexible. That when I want to pile in the car and go to the animal park and write while my husband drives, I can do that. When my son has a class party, I can do. I’m not chained to my office, and things shift, and I LOVE that. But the flexible nature of the job is often hard for me because I DO put that ‘people pleasing’ ‘yes man’ pressure on myself.

So I’m searching for the balance. Will I find it in this hard line, 9-5 schedule? (Which I have trumpeted to family and friends…) I don’t know.

One thing I do know about balance and schedules is that re-adjusting is something that has to happen. Often. Balance, once achieved, is not necessarily kept.

In the meantime…I said no to lunch and shoe shopping. It was hard. I didn’t want to. But I respected my OWN schedule, which is definitely something that has to happen before I ask anyone else to do it.

How about you? Is saying no easy for you? Or are you afraid of disappointing people like I am?

Father’s Day

Let me start by saying I haven’t forgotten this is a blog primarily for moms. Many of you may have the attitude that every day is Father’s Day. I’m not going to argue against that because I definitely know fathers and husbands whose behavior isn’t exactly celebration worthy.

But today I’m going to talk about my dad. Before you think this is going to be a blog about a perfect dad, think again. My dad certainly spent many years lying on the couch watching sports and tuning his family out. He stayed out late at bars, made very few of my theater or choir performances, and once told me he had no interest in kids until they turned 18. I think I was 19 at the time and probably asked him why he was talking to me all of a sudden.

But as my mom will tell you, after my sister and I went to college and moved out, my dad started to change. He actually told my mom that he wished he had spent more time with us when we were young. He started calling me just to chat. We formed a tentative friendship. When I was in my early thirties, I was running one morning near my house and fell forward. For whatever reason, my arms didn’t come up, and I hit the concrete face first. I was extremely fortunate I didn’t break my nose or any teeth, but I did cut the inside of my mouth up and scrape my top lip. I still have a scar on my lip from that fall. Everything swelled horribly, and I looked like I’d been beaten. The next day it still looked bad, and my dad happened to call at a point when I was feeling down. I started crying and said, “What if my lip stays swollen? What if I look like this forever?” My dad said, “Well, I guess you’ll have to join the circus.”

I laughed. It was such an unexpected thing for him to say. And it was perfect because I really needed to laugh at myself in that moment.

Grandpa and Baby Galen

Years later when I told my dad I was pregnant with a girl, his response was, “been there and done that.” No secret that he’d always wanted a son. I didn’t expect him to interact with my daughter until she was eighteen or so. But from the start he made it clear he was going to be an involved grandpa. He takes her for walks, plays with her, swims with her, builds towers with her, buys her princess decals for her room at my parents’ house. Nothing is too good for her. He is an absolutely awesome grandpa, and my daughter has a special bond with him.

Did you have an involved dad or was yours more like mine–a lot more interested in watching football than playing hide-and-seek?

Shana Galen, Multitasker Mama
I’m Shana Galen, AKA Multitasker Mama (and aren’t we all?). I’m a wife, mom to a three-year-old daughter I call Baby Galen. My parenting motto is, “Keep moving. Don’t pass out. Don’t throw up.” Or maybe that’s my fitness motto? www.shanagalen.com

Share a Book Saturday

Little kids love to be scared. Perhaps I should rephrase that. They love to be surprised. Any game with a “boo” at the end is a winner. So it stands to reason any book with a surprise element is a winner too.

Recently I had to read a book to Baby Galen’s class. I asked her to choose the book I’d read, because really she’s going to make me read the book she wants anyway, so I might as well pretend it’s her choice. She picked Open Very Carefully: A Book with Bite. This is a super cute book that pretends to be a retelling of The Ugly Ducking but is really a book about a surprise crocodile trying to get out of the book.

If you’re looking for a gift for the under 5 crowd or a new book to share with your child, try this cute one by Nick Bromley and Nicola O’Byrne.

Shana Galen, Multitasker Mama
I’m Shana Galen, AKA Multitasker Mama (and aren’t we all?). I’m a wife, mom to a three-year-old daughter I call Baby Galen. My parenting motto is, “Keep moving. Don’t pass out. Don’t throw up.” Or maybe that’s my fitness motto? www.shanagalen.com

It’s Never Too Late to Start: Smoothies & Juicing Made Easy!

The best part about being a PBOK Mom is meeting fantastic moms who inspire me and remind me that the journey is where the joy comes. I’m so glad to welcome back PBOK Mom Roni Loren as our guest today, along with her truly remarkable mother, Kathy, who’s an absolute peach. Thank you, ladies, for sharing your wisdom with us today!!   Hugs from Kieran :>)

Note: All the eye-catching juicing photographs come from http://www.figgyandsprout.com, which belongs to Katie, a blogger, nutritionist, athlete, and vegan. Katie graciously granted us permission to use her photos. Thanks, Katie! Your site is gorgeous and informative! 

Roni:

Hi everyone! It’s good to be back at PB on the Keyboard. I’ve missed being part of the team. : ) But even though I’m not a regular contributor anymore, I am definitely a regular reader of the blog. These ladies always have something poignant, interesting, or fun to say. And a few weeks ago, the lovely Kieran blogged about wanting to try juicing for her son. As soon as I read the post, I knew I needed to introduce Kieran to my mom, who has recently become the juicing queen. They talked a bit and Kieran asked if my mom would be willing to blog about what she’s learned. Of course, my mom is awesome, so she agreed even though she’d never blogged a day in her life. : )

And before I turn it over to her, I’d like to say that it’s never too late to change your eating or that of your family’s. When I was a kid, my mom taught aerobics as her second job. It was the 80s, so picture her in her sparkly headband, high-cut leotard, and brightly colored leg warmers. She rocked it. It was kind of like having Wonder Woman as a mom (she was my superhero after all.) And I used to sit in front of her classes doing my homework and eating Cheetos (yes, I was a sadistic child who ate junk food while those ladies were sweating to “Push It” and “Rock Steady”.) And my mom would do all that exercise and then on the way home, we’d pick up Popeye’s Chicken for dinner. No one really knew any better back then. We didn’t understand how important food was.

So for much of my childhood, I ate mostly processed foods without many veggies or even fruits mixed in. It wasn’t until high school and beyond that I got a clue (thanks to my mom getting intro nutrition at that point.) Now I’m raising a child who would pick broccoli and avocado over chicken nuggets and ice cream. So it’s never too late to make changes.

All right, I’m done rambling, now for the nitty gritty. Over to you, Mom…

Kathy:

First, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Kathy, I’m 55 years old, happily married with two grown children in their 30′s who I love very much, and two beautiful grandchildren who make me smile everyday.  When I was raising my children life was hectic so just making sure they ate each day was challenging.  The meals were rushed, full of fast food, and lots of bad-for-you snacks.  I was young, working a full-time job and really just not educated yet on the health benefits of food.  I have many regrets when I look back on their diet and wish I would have done a better job in that regard.  Fortunately, now they have a lot of information out there on eating healthy, and my children make better decisions on their food choices now for their family.

Several years ago I just didn’t feel good, started breaking out in rashes all over (ended up in emergency room several times), and basically had very little energy.  I went to several different doctors looking for answers and never received any.  They would give me a cream for the rash, treating the symptom but never finding out the cause.  They told me maybe I was depressed and that was why I didn’t feel good or had low energy, again they could give me a pill.  What I learned from these visits is that doctors really didn’t have the answers.  They didn’t know me, and they sure did not have time to really sit down and figure this out.  I then realized it was my job to figure out why I didn’t feel good.  Who knew me better than myself?  My new job – read and research everything I could get my hands on to become healthy, to feel great, to have energy to do all the things in life I should be doing and to pass this information on to anyone who would listen.  I love trying to help people feel better and to educate them on things I’ve learned along the way.  I started my journey and have never stopped.

I liked to pass on some information to the moms of Peanut Butter on the Keyboard and all the moms who follow their blog as to how I started getting fruits and veggies into my diet.  I’m just like most kids, I don’t like veggies and didn’t eat enough fruit.  So I had to figure out a way to get veggies and fruit into my body each day.  My rule of thumb is to eat healthy 80% of the time by putting food into my body that makes it thrive, food that makes my skin healthy and free of rashes, food that gives me energy.  The other 20% of the time I enjoy myself on those guilty pleasure foods that we have all grown up with.  What I find is that the more I eat healthy, the less I crave the guilty pleasure foods.  Anyway, back to making our kids eat their veggies!

I started with a breakfast smoothie each morning for me and my husband (he is a great partner in my quest for health).  I wanted to make it a breakfast that no matter what we ate or didn’t eat for the rest of the day we were full of nutrients to start.  It started small with a banana, peanut butter, skim milk, plain greek yogurt, frozen berries, flax seed and unsweetened applesauce.  This way I knew we had some protein, calcium, Omega 3′s, and lots of vitamins and nutrients from the fruit.  As time goes on, I’m always adding to the breakfast smoothie to get more and more nutritional value.  I’ll list below what is currently in our morning smoothie, but the point is to buy a blender, and start small.

For your kids, use any type liquid, milk, almond milk, coconut milk, coconut water (full of electrolytes) or just plain water.  A lot of the milk substitutes like coconut milk and almond milk are full of nutrients, some more than milk.  Then add the items that make it taste yummy like berries, bananas and peanut butter.  Then sneak in the stuff they wouldn’t normally eat like the flax seeds, the plain yogurt, unsweetened applesauce, and a few pieces of spinach or kale.  These things get lost in the good flavors of the fruit and they never know about the other stuff.  Along the way maybe let them in on what is going into the smoothies.  Educate them about these foods and what they do for your body as they grow.  Knowledge is power. With the knowledge of what foods do in our body comes power, power to be in control of our health.  We can’t control a lot of things in our life. We can control the decisions we make as to what food enters our body. Passing this information on to our kids as early as possible will give them a choice to make good decisions as they grow and maybe to teach a few friends along the way.  Life feels so good when you feel like you’re doing something good, and making sure your kids have super nutrients to start the day. It makes mom feel like that Super Hero. So mom, to keep your Super Hero power, make sure you drink your morning smoothie along with the kids.

This is extreme, so you don’t have to go full out to start, but this is my ingredient list for 2 large morning smoothies:

1/2 cup Plain Greek Yogurt, 3 tbsp. Hemp Protein Powder, 1/2 tbsp Flax Seeds, 1/2 tbsp Chia Seeds, 1 tbsp Peanut or Almond Butter, 1/8 cup unsweetened applesauce, 1/8 cup organic pumpkin, 1 banana, 1/2 cup mixed berries, 1/2 cup coconut water, 1/4 cup oatmeal (uncooked), 1 tbsp Turmeric spice, 1 tbsp Cinnamon spice, 1/2 tbsp Chlorophly, 1/2 tbsp Coconut Oil, 1 tsp Xylitol (natural sweetener) – I told you I was extreme.  Start small, and add what you want along the way.  The berries make it all taste good no matter what you add to the mixture.

I like lunch to be our biggest meal, I eat most of my calories at lunch.  I eat what I want and try to keep processed foods and foods high in sugar/carbs to a minimum.  This works for me, keeps me full and energized for the day.

Now for the green juice, this is where the kids can get as many veggies along with some fruit in mega portions.  My newest challenge a year ago was to add veggies that wouldn’t work in the smoothie to my daily diet.  I love documentaries, and Roni told me about the documentary on juicing, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  I watched it, then watched it again. I found a way to accomplish my next mission – juicing.  Now juicing is a commitment. You need a juicer, you need to buy the veggies and fruits, prepare them for the juicer, then have time to juice and store.  I bought the juicer, a Hurom juicer. Breville was used in the documentary, which reviews say is a great juicer.  You can go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and use your 20% off coupon and buy a less expensive juicer to start.  Well, my juicer arrived, and I was a bit stressed, never did this before, where do I start?

Well, I have been juicing for about a year now.  When I juice, I get veggies that I would never eat because I just don’t like them. But I can juice anything and it all blends together.  A few things I’ve noticed since I juice:

My skin has changed, it’s healthier looking, and actually has that healthy glow people talk about!  I’ve had several people ask what I’m using on my skin, and the answer is not what I’m putting on my skin, but in my body.  All these nutrients in these veggies can do great things for your kids and your entire family.  It has given me great energy, less cravings, and just an all out positive attitude.  I guess when you do something healthy, it also works mentally since you’re doing something good for you and your family.  No matter what vitamins I may not have received in my food for the day, I get them in my green juice each day.

You can make any kind of combo you like when you juice, just make sure you juice an apple, orange or pineapple (my favorite), along with the greens so that your kids won’t think its awful tasting!  It only works if we can drink it.

Just make sure you wash well before juicing.  What I do is take a big plastic bowl, place in my sink, fill it with water and some white vinegar and wash my veggies.  Just keep rinsing the bowl out as it gets dirty and add a little more vinegar to the clean water.  You don’t have to use vinegar, just wash well.

Things I always use to juice:

Kale – there are several versions and colors (all are good), just look for the best priced that day.

Spinach or any other greens (ie, collard greens, romaine lettuce)

Cucumbers

Carrots

Celery

Lemons

Ginger

Apple

Orange

You can also add any of the following to the base version above, I usually buy one or two of these each time to add if the price is right:

Radishes

Dandelion

Cilantro

Parsley

Tomatoes

All of these veggies/fruits have a lot of micronutrients.  Just always add some fruit to sweeten.  I can’t say green juice is awesome tasting, but it is a taste you get use to and look forward to drinking because it makes you feel good.  For the kids, add extra pineapple or oranges, whatever makes it sweet enough for them to like.

I try to juice enough for 7 – 10 days, then freeze in individual containers.  They have some inexpensive containers I purchased that are 16 oz, and BPA free.  I drink 8 oz’s per day, along with my husband drinking the same amount.  Start with a small glass for the kids and adjust to taste.  Maybe let the kids participate in making the juice, it can be fun putting the veggies and fruits in the juicer.

I was so disorganized when I started juicing and told myself this is too much, I took on more than I could handle.  Then I took a deep breath and thought it all out.  How can I make this easier, more time efficient, less stressful.  After several plans that didn’t work for me, I finally came up with my current strategy.  Buy the veggies, come home wash all veggies and put in large bowl on counter, then rest a bit, getting cutting board out and cut veggies to size (some juicers do not require much cutting), then start juicing until all veggies are gone!  Then pour into my 16 oz containers and freeze.  It will take you a few times to juice to figure out how much to buy for how much juice you get.  But just do your best. There is no right way, just the way that you figure works best for you.

Anyway, I can go on, as Roni would tell you that I’m very passionate about health. I would love to hear from anyone who has any questions, and will do my best to answer or help in any way.  

Thank you so much for having me for my first blog ever! 

About Kathy: Kathy Owens lives in New Orleans with her devoted hubby and a dachshund that is way too spoiled. She is also mom to Roni Loren and pimps out her daughter’s super sexy books to anyone who will listen. She’s currently converted half of her Zumba class to reading erotic romance.

About Roni: Roni wrote her first romance novel at age fifteen when she discovered writing about boys was way easier than actually talking to them. Since then, her flirting skills haven’t improved, but she likes to think her storytelling ability has. Though she’ll forever be a New Orleans girl at heart, she now lives in Dallas with her husband and son. She is the National Bestselling Author of The Loving on the Edge series from Berkley Heat and a RITA finalist.    Website: www.roniloren.com

Shake Up Your Mommy Schedule!

Yep, it’s time, ladies! Time to SHAKE UP YOUR MOMMY SCHEDULE!!!!

This means you have to do something totally rad that has nothing to do with being a mom. I do this every once in a while to remind myself that I have other mad skills and talents that simply can’t go to waste. It’s especially imperative that you shake up your schedule when you have young children. Life can become one big blur of changing diapers, scraping old Cheerios from under the couch cushions, talking to the nurse at the pediatrician’s office about the third ear infection of the year, and monitoring the number of times you’ll let your children watch Cinderella’s Rapunzel Moment in the Woods Frequented by Snow White, or whatever the latest Pixar/Disney movie is.

I had several big shake-up moments when the kids were young:

1) I went on The Wheel of Fortune, which entailed trying out in Virginia Beach, winning the slot, and flying to California for the show with my husband. A few months afterward, we were forced to take a one-week vacation at a lodge near Yosemite National Park–it was a prize I’d won. Yes, while we were at the lodge, there was a slight disaster back home: the upper bunk bed fell on top of my three-year-old in the lower bunkbed. So OMG, just what every neurotic mother dreams about happening while she’s gone really did happen! But Nighthawk wasn’t crushed. He just yelled for Grandma, and she came into the room and lifted up the mattress, like Superwoman.

2) I decided to volunteer at the local little theater. My first job was backstage. It was a big little theater (in Winston-Salem, NC). We were doing Evita, and every night, I got to open the curtain. It meant that I stood on a stool, and at the right moment, I jumped off while holding onto the rope that pulled the ginormous red velvet curtains open. Yes, I left my husband home alone with the kids at night for several weeks so I could do this amazing, amazing job! Don’t lie! You wish you could pull open a giant red velvet curtain, too! We all wish that–and I did it. Sorry. But it’s not too late for you. Give your local little theater a call.

Oh, and I wound up doing a play after that. I auditioned for Shadowlands, the play about English author C.S. Lewis, who fell in love with a woman from New York City (played by Debra Winger in the movie). So I put on my mother’s own Bronx/Barbra Streisand accent, which I do very well. I was sure I would get Debra’s role. (I had no idea that you have to “put in time” at a local little theater to get the juicy main roles, nor did I realize having acting experience mattered…I had none!).

So, can you believe it? I didn’t get the part! An English actress who’d done plays in Winston-Salem forever got Debra Winger’s part, and the director didn’t even require her to use an American accent to play the role! She walked right on stage, saying, “Hello, I’m So-and-So from New York City” in the poshest London accent you ever heard! And then they made me play an English woman because I had the best freaking English accent evah! I can speak exactly like Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music. I think it’s because I had an English nanny as a kid. The whole me-playing-the English-lady and her-playing-the NYC-chick-with-an-English-accent thing was weird… and my role was tiny.

What?? What was that about??

Even though the experience wasn’t perfect, it shook me up, ladies. It shook me right out of my mommy doldrums and added some freshness to my life. The fabulous (!) acting gig reminded my husband and kids, too, that Mommy had sparkle and interests. She wasn’t always that woman in the kitchen stirring chocolate milk to pour into a miniature tea pot and presenting a lavish platter of cookies and “tea” to them on a tray like a big old servant lady from Downton Abbey. I was the tugger of the rope on the red velvet curtain. I was the English magistrate in the play!

I’m right below the guy in the orange shirt–this is about five minutes before the bulls are let loose.

3) Another way I shake up my schedule is occasionally taking trips with my siblings and/or parents. The last time I did this, I went to Pamplona, Spain, and ran with the bulls with my brother, sister, and parents. Talk about shaking up the mommy schedule! Dudes, I was worried I wouldn’t come back. Goring–ever heard of it? Not pretty. So I had to drink copious amounts of Spanish wine and cerveza to take the edge off. To tell you the truth, I really didn’t believe I was going to die, or I never would have gone. I figured the chances of my getting gored were slim. But when you’re actually there, corralled on a street with bulls running after you, it’s a different feeling you get. It’s one of absolute, bloody terror, and you realize what a crazed maniac you were to ever do this thing called running with the bulls–Hemingway and his romantic take on it be damned.

4) On my 40th birthday, I stood on the side of the road until a motorcyclist came by, and I asked him to give me a ride. I told him it was my birthday, and I just wanted a spin around the block–which he gave me. I wasn’t afraid of being kidnapped as I was holding onto him, and I could have stopped, dropped, and rolled at any time, right? It was a lot of fun.

Meredith Brooks, who sings “Bitch” and is probably, um, ‘delighted’ that a kooky mom like me is messing with her badass song!

5) Karaoke is always a way to shake up your mommy schedule! Please don’t ask me about this one. I morph from sweet church mom into a rebellious, cigarette-smoking band chick from hell, singing “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks and dancing for hours nonstop in what I think at the time are sexy, hot moves but are really the spastic flailings of a mom who’s desperate to remember that she’s got it, baby, whatever those stretch marks and lopsided breasts from improperly balanced nursing suggest.

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, I tell you!

You’ll be glad you did.

So tell me, what are your favorite ways to shake up your schedule? What’s on your shake up bucket list?

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Hi, I’m Kieran. My family loves music and anything that makes us laugh out loud. Along with Chuck, my husband of 23 years, I try to teach our kids that we have to actively choose happiness–and if I accomplish nothing else as a mom but pass that one lesson along to them, then I think I’ve done my job.

My oldest guy, Nighthawk, was diagnosed in kindergarten with Asperger’s syndrome, and now he’s a junior in college; his sister Indie Girl, who’s younger by 16 months, is a college sophomore; and my youngest, Dragon, is in ninth grade. For our family, it’s about managing your weaknesses and wringing everything you can get out of your strengths. And along the way, finding joy.

www.kierankramerbooks.com

A walk down memory lane

Last night The Professor and I went to the non-profit agency we used for our foster-care adoption. We were asked to come and speak on the last night of the current PRIDE class (the class required if you want to become licensed for foster care and/or foster-care adoption). We’ve spoken at two of those meetings since we’ve adopted our girls and what a great experienced to be able to give back, to look out into that classroom and see those faces – I remember being there. 

I vividly remember sitting in that room the night that families came to talk to us. I hung on their every word, listening intently to the trials and triumphs of those families and hoping that’d we be in their shoes quickly. We’d already waited a long time to start a family and I was admittedly impatient. 

Sitting there brought back all of those emotions. The excitement, the fear, the anxiety, all of it. What would the home study be like? What about the fire and health inspections of our house? And, of course, the biggest fear when you jump into foster care – what if they take the kids away from me? It was a fear that plagued us until the adoption was finalized. But that’s a whole ‘nother blog. 

As we listened to the other families there, I was struck by the thought that we walked through fire to build our family, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Our girls are so perfect for us. They’re so like us too, we often forget that there are not genetics involved. Busybee is chipper and talkative like The Professor. Babybee is an introvert and so precise that it’s sometimes like looking in a mirror. 

We also talked on the way home about whether or not we’re done. It’s so tempting to renew our license, to get back in the “game” and get at least one more kiddo. It seems wrong not too, but of course we have to take our girls into consideration. But there are so many kids out there and when I’m back in that world, back at the agency, they’re so hard to ignore. 

All adoptions come with misconceptions, but I know that foster-care adoption carries the weight of the stigmas. All you have to do is watch an episode of Criminal Minds or Law & Order and nearly every “perp” has a history of being in and out of foster care. The media paints the picture that the foster care system is full of nothing by juvenile delinquents. So I ask you, what misconceptions have you heard about adoption or foster-care? 

Pregnancy Update!

Before I get to the update, the above picture was taken today from our hotel balcony in Wrightsville Beach, NC. We honestly don’t mind that a tropical storm is headed our way. We’re just happy to be here! =)

I think this is the first update I’ve done since announcing my pregnancy, and I’m kind of proud of myself for that. If you guys only knew how often I go onto the BabyCenter website and forums each day… Needless to say, pregnancy is always on my mind, even if I haven’t FELT pregnant up until recently.

I don’t think I’ve made an official announcement here, but we are having a BOY. =) After two girls, we would honestly have been thrilled to have another one. But both hubby and I think it’s nice to be having a boy because we’ll have something different to experience–and, yes, hubby is thrilled at the idea of having someone to carry on the family name. As for the girls, they’re excited to play in the baby’s room for now (they put their dolls in his crib and swing), and they’ve already said they want to dress him up as Batman for Halloween. =)

In terms of the pregnancy itself, I started feeling kicks around 20 weeks and seemed to “pop” around 24. I still don’t look that pregnant to myself, but it must be obvious because I now have strangers ask when I’m due, which is always a relief to know that other people can tell you’re pregnant! lol

We did have a bit of a scare at 28 weeks, when I started experiencing regular contractions every 2-3 minutes for a couple of hours. Went into L&D to be tested and monitored, and thankfully there was no progression, although the contractions definitely were real and not just Braxton Hicks. However, since the contractions weren’t progressing anything and since I had something similar happen when I was pregnant with WonderGirl at 28 weeks, I was released and told to just monitor them to see if they became more painful. Those went away when I woke up the next morning, and though I’ve had more contractions since then, they’ve either just been Braxton Hicks or haven’t become painful. I think I might have what one would call an “irritable uterus.”

Which is funny, because sometimes with this pregnancy I just feel irritable in general. =)

Besides the VERY frequent need to use the bathroom (something which is supposed to be common, I know, but I never had this with my girls), my only “symptom” is the sometimes near-paralyzing pain I get in my hips/legs. But mostly this just means it takes me a while to get up from a chair/sofa/bed and then I hobble for a few minutes, so I’m sure it’s amusing to anyone watching.

Otherwise I’m just ready to meet this boy. I don’t have that “get him out of me!” feeling yet that comes in the third trimester, which is a good thing, I suppose. =) But I am ready to see how our family dynamic is going to change and to hold him in my arms. I wonder if he’ll look like either of my girls, and if he’ll look more like my husband or myself. I wonder if he’ll be my biggest baby yet since my second one was bigger than the first and since he’s a boy…and because my husband weighed almost 11 lbs when he was born! And yes, I can’t wait to put him in his cute boy clothes. And shoes. I can never get over how adorable baby shoes are! =)

But for now, as I write this post, I’m thankful that we do have a little more time until he comes. We’re spending a week and a half on the beach–the girls’ first time at the ocean, our first family vacation, and hubby and mine’s first vacation in 10 years. Plus, we’re celebrating our 10th anniversary next week. Many things to celebrate, and I can’t IMAGINE after today what it would be like to have to travel with THREE children, not just two. =)

Now that school is out for most kids, I hope that you guys have a great summer with your children and grandchildren, too!

Until the next update,

Elise =)

Joy Vampires

Recently I heard a talk on the topic of Loving the People Who Suck the Joy out of Your Life. At first I thought, why would you love someone like that? But as the speaker explained, I realized that sometimes we’re stuck with what he called “joy vampires” because they’re part of our family or a neighbor or someone who just isn’t going away.

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I even thought of a few joy vampires in my life. Since I have to live or work with these people, how can I love them and maintain my joy? The speaker had three suggestions.

1. Realize you’re a joy vampire too.

Yes. It’s true. Sometimes even we steal others’ joy. I know when I’ve gone through tough times in my life, I haven’t been the nicest person to hang with. I can be impatient and critical and arrogant. Bad, bad qualities that certainly bring no one—including me—joy. So let’s not judge others too harshly.

2. Define boundaries.

Of course, some people aren’t just having a bad month. They are having a bad decade. In which case, it’s not unkind to restrict your relationship. This isn’t to say you have to be mean to grandma or your mother-in-law or the Sunday school teacher’s wife. You can just set boundaries on when you will see them, how often, how long, etc. I know a lot of people allow kids to share their bed. That doesn’t work for me, which means there have been times I have been up with Baby Galen most of the night. It would have been easier for me to let her come into my bed, but that’s one of my boundaries. I wasn’t unkind by restricting that relationship, but I need that boundary.

3. Find your own source of positivity.

In other words, know when you’re going to spend time with one of the joy vampires that you won’t get anything out of it. Find another way to fill up with joy that day. It’s the equivalent of eating before a dinner party. If the food is bad, that’s fine. You already ate. If it’s good, you can always eat again.

Do you have joy vampires in your life? How do you deal with them?

Shana Galen, Multitasker Mama
I’m Shana Galen, AKA Multitasker Mama (and aren’t we all?). I’m a wife, mom to a three-year-old daughter I call Baby Galen. My parenting motto is, “Keep moving. Don’t pass out. Don’t throw up.” Or maybe that’s my fitness motto? www.shanagalen.com

Joy

It’s a long standing joke in my family that we’ll throw a party for anything. We like to hang out, and we like to eat. And we like to celebrate.

Superbowl party with tons of snacks? Check. St Paddy’s Day? Oh yeah. Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Valentine’s Day. Getting a new contract, finishing a book…you get the idea.

This past week we’ve discovered a new kind of celebration, and a new kind of food. This here is my mom’s No More Chemo cake. It’s pretty spectacular. Earlier in the week we had No More Chemo Pie, which is similar to No More Chemo Cake except it wasn’t as gorgeous and it was pie.

My friend’s mother-in-law made the cake to celebrate the fact that on Friday my mom had her last chemo treatment.

I don’t think I’ve blogged about this here. Which is strange because I’ve been VERY personal on this blog. But cancer is sad. And it sucks. It sucks to deal with, it sucks to blog about. But I’m doing it now.

December 31st, 2012 they saw a spot on my mom’s MRI. I rang in the New Year with my mom giv ing me that news in my office. Happy New Year to us. Still, I hoped it was nothing. I hoped it was as small as it appeared.

It wasn’t. It turns out it was stage 3 Ovarian cancer. My mom is 56 and the picture of health, though over the past few months she’d had a lot of bad symptoms. She wasn’t eating very much anymore, and it was uncomfortable when she did. Her back hurt a lot. “Getting old sucks!” she said.

Her doctor said it was IBS and to take some enzymes, but it didn’t get better. My mom got pushy, and I’m SO glad she did, because her doctor didn’t follow up. Her doctor never put the symptoms together. And she had every symptom. (You have to fight for yourself! But that’s another blog post altogether)

Within a week of the diagnosis, my dad, brother and I were headed up north for her surgery. And after that she started the first of 6 rounds of chemo.

Chemo is hard. And when it got hard we would remind my mom that was the drug killing the bad stuff too…it was just the good stuff was getting pulverized with it.

It’s easy to see why the No More Chemo Cake says Joy on it. Because we have joy because the treatment is done. Because, for now, and we pray forever, she’s cancer free.

But the thing that struck me the most during this process is how much joy my mom has all the time. Her faith is so evident in her life. In all that she does. She has that peace that passes understanding. That’s not to say it wasn’t hard. That she didn’t get upset or cry. Because she did. Because it was not a small challenge set before her. We had so many friends here supporting her, supporting us.

I have to give a big shout out to local romance author and friend, Lisa Hendrix, who not only shaved her head in solidarity, has come to visit at least once a week to help my mom keep that smile on her face. Hard times show us how many people love us.

And that adds joy too.

Even in the dark times, there was joy. In every meal someone cooked and delivered, every bouquet of flowers sent. Every person who offered prayer and good thoughts, contributed to bringing joy in the middle of a trial.

Joy is, I think, different than happiness. Joy runs deeper. It transcends circumstance. It’s the manner in which we look at things. A ways we choose to live.

I’ve been inspired by my mom’s ability to choose joy. And I want to do the same in my own life. There are always bumps in the road, but the outlook we have on life has so much to do with how we weather the bumps. It may not change the outcome, but it makes the ride more fun.

Like making everything a celebration.

I raise my No More Chemo Cake to you in salute!

Who’s That Girl? By Sara Humphreys

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t worried about my weight or self-conscious about the size of my body.  I can, however, remember when it all started. Those two statements may seem to contradict one another but they don’t and I’ll explain why.

Like many people, my struggles with the scale began as a child. The summer before fourth grade, my family moved and I started at a new school. I’d never had trouble making friends or fitting in before but for whatever reason, I became a target with my new peers. Going to school quickly became a daily exercise in misery.

So what did I do to ease the pain? I ate. I ate a lot.

Thus began years of emotional eating.

Of course, doing that  was less than helpful because I only got bigger which gave my tormentors more fuel for their fire and being heavier made me feel badly about myself. It was a vicious cycle and I lived in it for years. It wasn’t until I got to college that I really started to break the pattern. I found the theater, some of my dearest friends, I met my husband there and ultimately I found myself.

I realized the other day that I don’t remember much about my life prior to that big move when I was ten. It dawned on me that I have no recollection of feeling free from the weight of weight.  I look at pictures of myself, even just a few months before that time, and I see a different girl.

She was happy, carefree and confident…she was weightless.

I wish I could remember how that felt because maybe if I could recall the feeling, then it would be easier to embrace it now.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m happy with my life and with myself and while there are days that I still struggle, overall I’m content.

Admittedly, there are moments when the “fat-attack” lurks and threatens to drag me back to a place of self-doubt. However, instead of reaching for the nearest cookie or another emotion numbing concoction, I head for my keyboard or out for a walk.  These coping skills are better for my mind and body but to be quite honest, I don’t always use them. There are days when the cookies win.

So, I keep walking, writing, laughing, and loving because no matter what size I am…my children love me. It’s in their eyes, smiles and hugs that I find the most strength and my four boys are the best reason to be healthy and take care of myself. They aren’t concerned about the size of my clothes or how many stretch marks run the length of my butt. They want to know when dinner will be ready, if there are any clean socks and if there’s room in the bed for a quick morning snuggle. There’s no food on earth that can compete with that.

So, how about you? What do you do to keep the cookies from winning?

Sara is married to her college sweetheart, Will. They live in Bronxville, New York with their 4 boys and 2 insanely loud dogs. Life is busy but never dull. her latest release is UNDONE. Check out all her books on her website.